Boundaries are wonderful… until they are used against us. Somewhere between “protecting my peace” and “wanting to avoid taking responsibility,” we have turned self-awareness into being an absolute jerk.
Not every no is about spiritual maturity; sometimes it’s emotional laziness in the form of a cute pastel Instagram quote. Everyone is putting up boundaries to everything lately, but no one seems to say the facts. Here are 7 examples of when “boundaries” were about just an excuse to be selfish.
The “I Don’t Want to Be Drained” Excuse
The classic line, “I simply can’t do that, it drains me,” is used when it is an inconvenience. Helping your friend in need? Draining. Listening to your partner vent about something? Draining. Actually, being a decent human being? Too draining. If you are unable to make it through activities that require you to step outside that little bubble, it seems like it might be you and your emotional stamina rather than the energy vibe everyone else brings.
The “I Don’t Owe Anyone Anything” Boundary
Those who say, “I owe no one an explanation,” love to use this boundary to end relations with no closure and even ghost you all without facing any accountability. All they want to do is dismiss anything that feels too real, even when they know they are hurting another person. If your boundary constantly serves to protect you from any accountability, maybe it is not emotional maturity – it is just your free pass to irresponsibility.
The “I am Prioritizing Myself” Narcissist
Everyone is on board with self-care until it’s self-indulgent. We’re given this phrase, “I am making myself a priority,” which allows them to treat people in a dismissive, unreliable, or just flat-out mean manner. They can bail on their family responsibilities, ghost commitments, and feel justified in it because “I am focusing on self-growth.” True prioritizing and self-care do not allow you to neglect or treat people like emotional trash.
The “My Therapist Said I Don’t Have To”
After just one meeting, “my therapist said,” it becomes a repeated way of life for them. Over and over again, we hear, “My therapist said I should put myself first.” Baby steps. Yes, we totally hear you. But did your therapist say “put yourself first” at the expense or feelings of others? Or were they talking about some “basic human decency”? Healing is no excuse for rude behavior.
The “I’m Protecting My Energy” Card
Translation: “I don’t want to deal with your emotion.” We get it, protecting your energy is a very real and valid consideration. But we hear that phrase – and all those words around “protecting energy” so often, it translates into people simply just not showing up, or not supporting their friends, or having to have actual emotional conversations with other people. That is not spiritual – that’s pure selfishness.
The “Focusing on Myself” Excuse
There is nothing inherently bad about working on self-improvement, but it sometimes can take over your entire identity. The point is that you cannot abandon responsibility, your friends, and your empathy and say you are “working on yourself.” At one point, focusing on yourself becomes avoidance. If your friends and family cannot count on you because you are “taking me time,” maybe it is not healing; it is taking the easy way out.
The “I Am Just Being Honest” Boundary
Oh yeah, the honest truth-tellers who use the word “honesty” as a fancy way to say the most brutal things possible. There is a fine line between being honest and being pointlessly mean. When a person tells, “I am just setting a boundary,” the honesty does not lessen the fact that others are hurt by their so-called honest bluntness. If your honesty is always mean, you lack empathy, and you probably are missing the entire point.
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hey don’t just scream “I’m toxic!” from the rooftops. Instead, they manipulate, gaslight, and drain the life out of you while looking like the perfect friend, partner, or coworker. These 17 hidden signs might reveal exactly what you’re dealing with.
17 Hidden Signs of Female Narcissism You Shouldn’t Ignore