Remember the awkward and odd things you did when you were a kid? You know, collecting candies, running away from confrontation, and making a big fuss about what you believe was unfair. Most of us assume that we have grown out of that behavior; however, it may turn out to be a big shock once you realize just how many of those quirks are creeping into your adult life. If your adult self keeps running into the same walls over and over again, that might be because the little-you never really left. Here are nine childhood behaviors that could still be hampering your relationships, confidence, and peace today.
Being the “Quiet One” When You Actually Had Something to Say
Some kids learned to be quiet, as it made life easier, because talking up for themselves was uncomfortable, hard, and not always safe. So being quiet meant less questioning, less arguing, and certainly less eye contact. Then adulthood hits, and people can’t hear you because, well, you still won’t speak up. Being quiet is comfortable until it costs you opportunity, respect, and connection. Breaking that habit feels like relearning to use your voice for the first time.
Seeking Validation Like it’s Oxygen
“Am I doing good?” you continue to ask. This time, bosses and partners and even strangers on the internet are the source of validation. The compulsion to prove your worthiness as a child snuck into your adulthood and left you anxious, people-pleasing, and burnt out. Newsflash: Confidence isn’t a sticker chart. It’s time to stop seeking approval from others. Your adult self deserves better than constant handholding to get you through life.
Overexplaining Everything You Do
If you grew up explaining every decision you made, you most likely still explain everything. From why your text message was written the way it was to why you bought a new toothbrush, you explain it all. It’s part of being that child who thought a perfect explanation would ward off anger or disappointment. Now it shows up in intimate relationships and workplaces as insecurity. Overexplaining will not get others to understand you any better; it only gets you to think that you need permission to exist.
Avoid Risk Like the Plague
If you’re the kid who never jumped off the swing, that fear has never gone. In adulthood, it probably starts to show up as, “I can’t quit my job,” “I can’t invest,” “I can’t say how I really feel.” It was risk avoidance that kept you safe when you were a little kid, but now it’s keeping you stagnant, bored, and quietly miserable. Growth demands leaving your comfort zone, trying and failing, and once in a while, a little chaos. So, let that inner cautious child watch – your adult self has to jump anyway.
Paralyzing Perfectionism
“Do it right or don’t do it at all” may have been cute when coloring inside the lines, but now it has you stuck on projects, obsessing over emails, or rewriting texts 10 times before hitting send. That childhood desire to impress is costing you energy, time, and often sleep. Embracing imperfection isn’t failure; it is merely survival. The world isn’t grading your life like some sort of homework assignment. Just do it, the world is going to judge anyway!
People-pleasing Until You Explode
Saying “yes” to just about anything when you’re young gets you praise. But when you grow up, it gets you career burnout, awkward relationships, and constant guilt. You’re still that over-committer, still fear saying “no”, and somehow believe making everyone else’s life easier makes yours better. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. How you treat your sanity is just a ticket straight to resentment city. If you don’t set proper boundaries, you’ll keep sacrificing sanity for someone else’s smile.
Apologizing for Things That Weren’t Even Your Fault
As a child, “sorry” was your shield. The quickest and least invasive way to avoid blame, conflict, or awkwardness. But fast-forward into adulthood, the habit tracks you like a magnet: You apologize for interrupting; apologize for asking questions; apologize for breathing too loudly. Chronic apologists aren’t born; they’re actually trained. And this habit teaches you to shrink in a room when you should be standing tall. And apologizing for everything means you eventually feel responsible for everything.
Avoiding Conflict at All Costs
Remember hiding under the bed, hoping not to have to have a confrontation with your sibling? Yeah, that panic reflex you had then didn’t disappear after childhood. You still actively avoid difficult conversations, distance yourself from your feelings, and let people have their way with you just to “keep the peace.” That is not peace; that is resentment. Avoiding conflict may feel safe, but it is silently decaying the chance of real intimacy, trust, or respect with the very people you want it from. Sometimes saying “no” is the bravest thing you’ll do.
Escaping into Fantasy
Remember hiding in a fort, a book, or an imaginary world whenever reality got tough? Escapism was a joy as a child, but as an adult, it may surprise you to learn it has become an easy trap. Watching the next Netflix binge, daydreaming of “what could have been,” or endlessly scrolling on all social media platforms is just a grown-up fort. Fantasy as an escape from responsibility prevents one from facing the real problems and real growth. The inner child that refused to face the real world may actually need a little serious intervention.
16 Signs You Were Raised by a Narcissistic Parent
Like you had to earn love instead of just receiving it? If so, you might have been raised by a narcissistic parent who lived to manipulate emotions, exercise control, and have everything revolve around them. These 16 signs will help you piece together the truth.
16 Signs You Were Raised by a Narcissistic Parent