It’s weird how something meant to be kind can come across in a completely different way. Unfortunately, a lot of people share compliments without realizing they’re touching on stuff that’s personal or awkward. Don’t let that be you. Here are 20 compliments you might give people that could be making them uncomfortable.
“You Clean Up Well”
You’ll hear this compliment a lot at weddings or work events. Saying “You clean up well,” sounds sweet, but it also tells the other person that they don’t usually look this good. It makes it clear that there’s a difference between the everyday them and the special occasion them, which comes across like a backhanded compliment.
“I Couldn’t Even Tell English Isn’t Your First Language”
After someone gives a good presentation, you might want to compliment them by saying something like, “I couldn’t even tell English isn’t your first language.” But don’t. Rather than being encouraging, what you’re really pointing out is that the other person sounds closer to your idea of ‘normal.’ It highlights their differences in a way that just doesn’t feel good.
“You’re the Pretty One”
Many women have heard someone tell them, “You’re the pretty one,” as though it’s a good thing. But when you say it at work, it singles someone out for their looks in a professional space, taking the focus away from their skills. Now, their presence seems like an exception to a stereotype of what people in their position should be like.
“You’re Too Pretty to Be Single”
This one is rather similar. Telling someone, “You’re too pretty to be single,” links their looks directly to their relationship status. It’s almost like you’re saying that being attractive should automatically guarantee that they have a partner, like looks are the only thing that matters in a relationship. How is that fair?
“You’re So Much More Fun When You Drink”
It’s common to hear “You’re so much more fun when you drink” at parties, and it seems like a compliment about loosened inhibitions. However, such a compliment sets a weird standard. The other person is somehow only nice to be around when they have alcohol in their system, which makes them feel like they have to keep drinking just to keep everyone else happy.
“You’re Not Like Other [Group]”
It doesn’t matter if it’s gender or generation, perhaps even a job title, saying “You’re not like other [group]” is bad. It divides people into “normal” and “you,” which sets the person apart as an exception. And that’s not as flattering as it sounds. In fact, it includes an entire group of people in the comparison, making the “compliment” isolating, even when it wasn’t meant to be.
“You’re the Only One Who Gets It Here”
On the surface, saying, “You’re the only one who gets it here” is flattering because it singles out the other person as the smart one. Yet it also dumps a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. Suddenly, they’re the one who has to solve all the problems and keep things running properly, regardless of whether they want to.
“You Don’t Look Your Age”
People love saying, “You don’t look your age,” as though it’s the biggest compliment you can give someone, and they’ll usually say it when someone mentions a milestone. But what they don’t realize is that it puts aging on display. The other person may feel like they have to explain their skincare routine, or obsess over their face, hair, and style.
“You’re So Articulate”
The ideas themselves aren’t important when someone says, “You’re so articulate” to another person. Now, it’s the way they came out that truly matters, and people often give this compliment with a tone that suggests they didn’t expect the other person to speak so clearly. It’s that element of surprise that really makes this phrase sting.
“You Look Better Without Makeup”
Yes, saying, “You look better without makeup,” sounds innocent, but it also immediately ranks two versions of the same person. From that moment on, they’re aware that people notice their choices every morning, and whether or not they wear makeup becomes something worth commenting on. Their face is a matter of opinion they didn’t agree to, and it gets old fast.
“You Look So Much Better With Glasses/Without Glasses”
Another similarly annoying compliment is, “You look so much better with glasses/without glasses.” It frames your glasses as something that other people are allowed to judge you on, and you feel like you’ll be criticized for whatever you do. It’s even worse when people start pestering you about brands or surgery because that’s much too personal.
“You’d Make a Great Mom/Dad”
People share this compliment so casually. They’ll say “You’d make a great mom/dad” whenever someone plays with a kid or brings snacks to a group event. Such a compliment is too personal. It assumes they want kids or even can have them, which makes the conversation center around future life choices that they may not want to make.
“You’re So Mature For Your Age”
Adults who are trying to be nice may encourage their kids by saying, “You’re so mature for your age.” Unfortunately, it creates a weird expectation that there’s no going back from. This kid is the mature one now. Anytime that they relax, they’re told that their behavior isn’t what was expected, and these feelings of disappointment stick around forever.
“You Look Healthier Now”
Some people say, “You look healthier now” to someone after they’ve been on a trip or a break. It’s meant to be a friendly observation. What they don’t realize is that it also implies something was off before, and then come the follow-ups of what changed, and what you’re eating. The person probably wasn’t trying to do anything at all, but now their body’s the main topic.
“You’re Wasted in This City”
Someone hears what you do, or what you’re good at, and out comes the compliment, “You’re wasted in this city.” At first, it feels flattering, but then it sinks in that they’re essentially insulting the place you live, forcing you to defend your choices. You’ll have to explain the job markets and family stuff, maybe even the cost of living.
“You Should Smile More, You Have a Great Smile”
You’ll hear this one when you least expect it. Just as you’re minding your own business, someone decides your neutral face needs adjusting, and they’ll tell you, “You should smile more, you have a great smile.” It’s exhausting. Not every expression is an invitation for commentary, yet for some reason, a few people can’t seem to help themselves.
“You Have Great Genes”
Comments on how “You have great genes” are way too normalized at family gatherings. Once someone says this, the conversation soon starts to revolve around kids and fertility, as well as who got lucky in the looks department. There’s a thin line between a compliment and being invasive. But before you know it, you’re dealing with questions that should’ve stayed private.
“You’re Such a Good Listener”
Of course, people mean well when they say, “You’re such a good listener.” The problem is what happens next. The moment you get this label, other people start treating you like their personal sounding board, and they’ll give you their emotional baggage to carry all the time. Saying you can’t talk right now starts feeling like you’re letting them down.
“You Look So Exotic”
Strangers occasionally say, “You look so exotic” because it’s meant to be a compliment. But then, they start guessing your background and rattling off countries. They’ll ask weirdly personal questions in a way that flips the interaction from casual to uncomfortable in seconds. Really, you likely didn’t sign up for a guessing game about your identity.
“You’re So Photogenic”
The compliment “You’re so photogenic” starts to follow you once someone says it to you. People call you over for every group shot, expecting perfection every time, and when a photo doesn’t turn out great, they look confused. You’re forced to adjust lighting and fix everyone else’s expectations, which starts to feel like a job.
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