Back then, good manners were all about formality, obedience, and just keeping up appearances. But “Good Manners” are not always good. What was once “polite” has today become flat-out rude, patronizing, or straight-up absurd. From men always paying the bill to women being told to keep quiet, all these so-called manners don’t hold up anymore. Some are awkward, some are sexist, and some are just no thanks.
Kissing Hands as a Greeting
What was suave before now gives us the creeps. Hand-kissing was perhaps the height of charm in the past, but today it screams boundary pushing. Most people nowadays just want a handshake, hug, or even a fist bump. What was polite in the past is now coming across as too intimate – or simply too unhygienic.
Waiting Until Everyone’s Done to Start Eating
Old etiquette said no biting until the host takes up their fork. But with long speeches, busy schedules, and lukewarm food, this “manners” routine is more like punishment. Now, it’s totally fine to eat right after it’s served – especially at big parties. What was once polite now just makes people hangry. Show respect to the chef by eating the food when it is actually hot.
Sending Thank-You Notes for Everything
Handwritten Thank-You notes used to be an etiquette golden rule. But written notes for each little favor are old-fashioned now in an age of instant messaging. Although a thank-you is always courteous, to write it out in script on formal letterhead can be a tad too forward. Nowadays, a genuine text, voice mail, or call conveys genuine thanks without the hallmarks of ritual.
Using Titles for All Addresses
“Miss,” “Sir,” “Madam,” “Doctor” – though old-school titles used to be polite, now they sound stilted or even alienating. Too-formal speech in everyday settings sounds insincere, and worse, title-taking (such as “Mrs.” for all) is insulting. Politeness these days is about equality, not hierarchy. A first name is often a more sincere respect than a relic of an old ranking system of titles.
Responding with “Yes, Sir” and “Yes, Ma’am” to Everyone Older
Respecting the elderly is one thing. Treating them like royalty and silencing your own voice is another. Blind obedience isn’t respect, it’s hierarchy disguised as manners. Gen Z and Millennials are all about respect being given and received, not default submission because someone was born first.
Never Talking Back
The “don’t talk back” rule? Essentially, it’s a get-out-of-being-an-adult card for adults. It was defined as politeness, but it shut up kids, workers, and anyone subordinate. Today, pushing back against authority is surviving, not being rude. “Good manners” cannot be used as a reason to tolerate bad behavior.
Formal Written Invitations Only
Once the standard for weddings, birthdays, or dinners, formal invitations today are less “courteous” and more impractical (even worse for the environment). Asking others to hold their breath for snail mail can be exclusionary in a digital-first world. A thought-out group chat, personalized email, or even an innovative e-invite all seem more modern and considerate.
Pretending Not to See Problems
There was once a time when it was polite to pretend not to notice the imperfections of someone, their troubles, or even blatant mistakes. That “don’t mention it” demeanor is now rude-sounding – because it keeps people out of sight. Not seeing things as they are is rude, demeaning, even. “Good manners” at times is just nice talk for evasion.
Taking Surprise Guests to Dinner
In the past, it was seen as generous and fun – “the more, the merrier!” But in today’s world of meal prep, dietary needs, and tight schedules, showing up with extras feels rude and inconsiderate. Hosts want to plan, not scramble for chairs and food. The new good manners? Ask first. Otherwise, you’re not bringing joy – you’re bringing stress.
Never Talking About Money
It was “impolite” back then to discuss salaries, rent, or bills. Keeping silent on money holds people captive to injustice and silence. Being honest about money is not rude now – it’s survival. Being transparent is now politeness.
Never Calling Adults by Their First Name
Back in the good old days, it was scandalous to address your teacher or boss by their first name. Nowadays, sticking to just “Mr.” or “Mrs.” merely comes across as stiff and brings about a peculiar imbalance of authority. First names make things real. Stuffy old honorifics? They just scream distance.
Dressing Up for Every Single Occasion
In the past, arriving in unpolished shoes or a wrinkled suit would have been rude. Nowadays, overdressing is pretentious – too much effort. Ease is the new politeness, and the odd sneakers at dinner shout confidence in a way that no tie ever can.
Waiting for Men to Order for Women
The same etiquette that once was fine dining etiquette now reads as downright disrespectful. Allowing a man to order “for” his date was marketed as chivalry, but it also constitutes control. Now, it takes away from women their basic rights in an arena where autonomy is the entire idea: being able to decide what you want.
Standing Behind Someone While They Eat to “Serve” Them
Old-school hosts hovered watchfully in the background (ready to refill wine or swoop in to take plates away). What used to shout attentiveness now merely comes across as intrusive. No one wants to be gawked at while chewing like they’re part of a royal banquet reenactment. Good manners now are offering room and ease, not hovering with a serving spoon waiting for your next chew.
Over-Apologizing
Apologetic behaviour was the epitome of politeness: bow, say “sorry,” even for tiny inconveniences. These days? Honest-sounding iterations of “sorry” sound insecure, even fake. Apologizing for something you’re not even responsible for only becomes cringeworthy. The new policy is confidence: a “thank you” for endurance rather than giving them undue guilt.
Always Finishing What’s on Your Plate
Once presented as respect and appreciation, now it is just wasteful and unhealthy. Forcing someone to finish their plate is teaching them to ignore what their body is saying. Polite? Not at all. It is guilt just hiding behind table manners.
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