No parent wants to shatter their child’s confidence, but guess what? It’s constantly happening—without you even realizing it. From careless jokes to tiny habits, what are seemingly harmless actions can slowly chip away at their self-esteem and leave them doubting themselves for years. So, before you accidentally raise an adult who second-guesses every decision, check out these 19 confidence-killing parent habits you are possibly guilty of— without even knowing it.
Saying ‘Let Me Do It’ Instead of Allowing Them to Do It
Watching your kid struggle to tie their shoes or pour milk without spilling is painful, but jumping in to “save” them all the time teaches them only one thing: they can’t possibly do it alone. Confidence comes from trying, from failure, and the attempt again—never from the rescue each and every time something gets difficult. Let them struggle, let them err, and let them solve the problem. This builds real confidence.
Correcting Them in Public
Nothing destroys a child’s confidence so fast than calling them out in public. If they make a mistake, calling them aside later is so much more effective than calling them out in public. Otherwise, they equate trying something new to possible humiliation. And let’s be real—nobody performs at their best when they are embarrassed.
Comparing Them to Other Kids
“Look at how responsible Sarah is.” “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” Boom! Instant confidence killer. When kids hear they don’t measure up, they believe they’ll never be good enough. Rather than fueling comparison, point to what sets them apart—because, you see, they’re only going to be themselves.
Calling Them ‘Shy’ in Front of Others
“You’ll have to excuse him; he’s shy.” Telling your child they’re shy actually makes them believe they are. Instead of labeling them, say, “She’s the kind who observes first before jumping in,” or “It takes her a while to warm up to people.” Confidence isn’t about pushing them to be the party animal—it’s about making them feel comfortable to just be them.
Teasing Them About What Scares Them
Sure, it’s funny when your child’s terrified of the vacuum or won’t put his hand in something because he thinks the texture’s “creepy” and making fun of them makes them feel silly. What they actually learn from you laughing at them and telling them to “get over it” is that their emotions don’t matter. What you should do is see how they feel and support them through.
Constantly Pointing Out Their Mistakes
Nobody’s perfect—not even you. However, if you concentrate only on what they’re doing wrong and not on what they’re doing right, you’re actually telling them they’ll never be good enough. Kids who are constantly only corrected end up convinced they’re incapable. Wakeup call: if you want them to feel confident, you’re going to have to cheer them on, even the smallest wins.
Over-Praising Every Little Thing
Wait, what? Isn’t praising kids good? Absolutely—except if you label everything they say and do “amazing” and “perfection,” they’ll question if your words actually hold any meaning. Confidence isn’t founded in flattery. It’s founded on real accomplishment. So, ditch the generic “great job” and provide sincere, specific feedback that actually matters.
Telling Them to ‘Stop Crying’
Newsflash: Tears are not signs of weakness. And if you automatically say to them, “Stop crying” or “Toughen up” when you see them cry, you are actually teaching them to hide feelings, not to cope. Confident kids don’t sweep feelings under the mat—kids who are confident learn to cope. Instead of shutting them up, say, “I see you are angry. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” So they feel confident, not ashamed, about having feelings.
Always Speaking For Them
You might think you’re doing them a good turn by placing the order at the restaurant or interpreting how they feel to others. But you’re actually teaching them that what they say doesn’t count. Next time, let them express themselves—whether they stumble or get the words mixed up. Confidence comes from experience, not observation alone.
Making Fun of Their Interests
So, they’re into fanfic, dinosaurs, and/or anime. Good. It’s what makes them who they are. But if you roll your eyes and mock, you’re saying what they love isn’t important—or worse, they’re not. Let them geek. Confidence grows when kids feel seen and validated.
Overprotecting Them Like They’re Made of Glass
Yes, you want to shelter them, but if they think the world’s too scary to handle, guess what? They’ll never become confident. Confidence develops by going through challenges, not by avoiding them. So, let them climb the tree, try a new thing, or assert themselves—whether you’re nervous about it.
Expecting Perfection (And Telling Them So)
If “almost good enough” isn’t good enough, your child will grow up feeling like a failure even when they succeed. Perfection is a myth, and kids who chase it end up with crippling self-doubt. Reassure them that mistakes are the enemy to none— they’re part of the process.
Dismissing Their Emotions as ‘Dramatic’
“Stop crying.” “You’re exaggerating.” “It’s just a tiny thing.” It’s a huge thing to them. By minimizing what they feel, you are teaching them to question what they feel. Instead of shutting them up, listen. This builds kids’ emotional confidence.
Using Shame as a ‘Tool’
Shame doesn’t teach—shame hurts. You don’t train your child by embarrassing them when they fail—by calling them in public or saying something to the effect of “What’s the matter with you?”—you don’t train them. You only train them to avoid making the mistake. Confidence grows in a climate of encouragement, not humiliation.
Telling Them “You’re Too Much”
Too sensitive, too loud, too chatty, too timid—whatever, if you remind them constantly they are “too something”, they’ll shrink themselves to fit your ideal. The world needs all kinds of people, including big dreamers, deep feelers, and wild thinkers. Just let them be.
Ignoring Their Effort, Praising Only Results
Did they give it their all and fail anyway? If you only reward the victory and don’t recognize the effort, they’ll quit attempting new things because they don’t want to fail. Show them the effort counts—because true confidence isn’t about succeeding all the time; it’s about them knowing they’re resilient enough to cope if they don’t.
Using Guilt to Control Them
“If you love me, you’ll do this.” “I do everything for you, and this is how you repay me?” Ring any bells? Guilt gets the job done in the short term but leaves long-term damage. Kids who are parented through guilt end up in adulthood convinced they are never enough—and that’s a blow to confidence.
Not Letting Them Make Decisions
If you continually select clothes, meals, and activities for them, don’t wonder when they are indecisive adults. Confidence develops through making decisions, and decisions don’t necessarily have to be grand. Let them choose between two outfits: what to eat for dinner each night or what park to head to. The more opportunities to practice decision-making, the more confidence in making the choices.
Treating Their Dreams Like a Joke
Want to shatter a child’s confidence? Laugh at their biggest dream. Kids dream big—astronaut, rock star, inventor—and that’s just fine. Even if the dream isn’t attainable, let them dream because confidence isn’t about what’s possible or what’s practical. It’s about having the courage to try.
Parenting Habits That Lead to Resentful Adult Children
Yes, nobody’s perfect—but some of the ways we’re parenting today can leave scars that continue into adulthood. If your grown children ignore your calls, set strict boundaries, or secretly resent you, one of these 17 habits may be why.
Parenting Habits That Lead to Resentful Adult Children
How Your Childhood Shapes Every Relationship You’ll Ever Have
How your parents treated you, the amount of love (or lack thereof) you received, and even disastrous family dinners all played a lasting role in your life. Let’s see how your childhood subtly controls every relationship you’ll ever have.
How Your Childhood Shapes Every Relationship You’ll Ever Have