Let’s be honest. A bunch of old-school marriage advice just doesn’t work anymore, although it’s not necessarily because it was bad. It just came from a time when life looked rather different. Now, people have different schedules and different roles. They also have different expectations. Here are 19 marriage rules that actually don’t work anymore, whether it’s because they’re outdated or just weird.
The Man Always Drives
That idea that a man should always be behind the wheel isn’t exactly a modern flex. These days, whoever has the energy or the better playlist usually takes the keys. It’s more about who wants to drive than who should, and some couples even switch halfway if the trip is long. It’s not weird anymore to see her driving while he eats snacks in the passenger seat. Driving isn’t a symbol of power.
Don’t Sleep in Separate Beds
When one of you snores like a chainsaw and the other’s a light sleeper, sharing a bed every night just feels like punishment. Lots of couples are completely fine with sleeping in separate beds because it doesn’t mean they’re breaking up. Instead, it’s Tuesday night, and someone needs eight hours without a knee in their back. People are more open now about needing space to sleep well, with some couples having sleep routines in different rooms and still cuddling in the morning.
Always Present a United Front With Your Kids
Sometimes your partner says something crazy, and you can’t help but give them the look. You know the one. Acting like you agree on everything doesn’t actually teach kids anything helpful, while honest but respectful disagreements show them how real adults talk stuff out. There’s no point in teaching your kids to fake it. Kids are smart, and they’ll pick up on any tension between you two, anyway.
Keep Finances Completely Joint
Teamwork doesn’t always have to mean one big account with both your names on it, and that’s why a lot of couples do “yours, mine, and ours.” This way, nobody has to explain why they bought another air fryer or spent $300 on houseplants. Rather than it being secrecy, you should think of it as everyone having a little breathing room. Sharing money doesn’t have to involve giving up all financial independence, but rather finding a system that doesn’t make you fight every time the credit card bill pops up.
Only One Person Should Handle the Bills
Likewise, having one person handle the bills used to work back when everything came by mail, and someone balanced a checkbook. Now it’s all online anyway. Having both people know what’s going on with money just makes life easier for you both, and all the budgeting apps out there allow you to log in and track things yourself.
Never Go to Bed Angry
Occasionally, when you’re in the middle of an argument, your brain just clocks out. Why keep circling the same point when you’re both exhausted and starting to fight about the tone of your voice? Of course, that doesn’t mean you should sleep on it simply to ignore the issue. Instead, you should just wait until both of you can speak like actual humans, especially since a late-night fight can spiral rather quickly. Just pause and revisit it in the morning.
Always Put Your Marriage First
The idea of always putting your marriage first sounds sweet until you realize you haven’t had a nap alone or watched your favorite show in three years. Taking care of yourself doesn’t necessarily mean you love your partner less, but rather that you want some alone time. Couples who do this are usually more patient with each other. Isn’t that how a relationship should be?
Always Do Everything Together on Weekends
Togetherness is cute until you’re trying to force a couple’s trip to Target when one of you clearly just wants to relax. It’s fine to spend Saturday apart sometimes, with one of you going to a yoga class and the other reorganizing the garage. There’s no crime in enjoying different stuff. That time apart helps you recharge and miss each other a little, while also stopping the weekends from becoming a never-ending list of compromises.
Always Have Dinner Together
Dinner at six every night with candles and deep conversation is cute in theory. However, in real life, one of you gets home late and the other has already eaten a protein bar. Neither one of you feels like setting the table. Couples today spend time together when they can, and that means it’s perfectly normal to eat dinner at different times or on the couch with a show on. You can still connect. Life isn’t always meal-prepped and plated.
Avoid Talking About Past Relationships
Ignoring your dating past doesn’t erase it, while talking about what you learned or how you grew could actually make your current relationship stronger. That doesn’t mean you have to drag in lots of old baggage. It just means you should acknowledge you’ve both been through stuff, and that you each have some kind of history. Pretending it didn’t happen doesn’t make it go away. A little honesty could build trust and explain habits that might otherwise seem random.
The Person Who Earns More Gets More Say
The idea that the breadwinner should have more power is the kind of thinking that belongs in a 1950s sitcom. Relationships aren’t meant to be a boss-employee setup. One person might bring in more cash, but the other could be doing things that don’t show up on a W-2, which is why decision-making shouldn’t be based on who signs the bigger check. Plus, many couples swap roles over time. No one’s job makes them more important than another person.
The Mother Should Do All the Emotional Labor
Birthday cards and calling loved ones aren’t things that just magically happen. For decades, people expected women to remember everything, but these days, couples are finally splitting the mental load. You both live here, and you both care. As such, you can both remember Grandma’s birthday, and you can both carry some of the weight.
You Need to Merge Your Friend Groups
You don’t have to become a weird couple with shared group texts and all mutual friends, as it’s perfectly fine to have separate hangouts. For example, your best friend might annoy your partner and vice versa. That’s alright. As long as everyone’s cool about it, you don’t need to be at every BBQ together, and you can support each other’s friendships without needing to tag along every time.
Big Romantic Gestures Matter More Than Small Ones
A hundred roses once a year will never beat someone remembering to fill up your gas tank on a cold morning, which is why everyday stuff matters so much. Romance should be real and not scheduled like a performance. This could include sending a random “how’s your day?” text or picking up your partner’s favorite snack, which often means a lot more than giving a huge speech once a year.
Always Present a “Perfect Couple” Image in Public
There’s no need to put on a show, as everyone knows that a couple who’s all smiles in public is probably anything but happy at home. These days, being authentic involves people seeing you disagree over where to eat or who forgot the keys. That’s normal. Perfect is boring anyway, and people connect way more to honesty than polished smiles, which take too much energy to actually be worth it.
Marriage Is 50/50 All the Time
Marriage isn’t always equal, and sometimes, it’s more like a seesaw. Some days, you carry more, and other days, they do. The idea that it’s always perfectly split is cute but kind of impossible, especially since fair doesn’t have to mean every single day. Instead, it means you both show up when it counts and you’re willing to work with what you have.
The Man Should Make the First Move
Marriage is supposed to be a team, rather than a game of waiting until the guy does something first. It doesn’t matter if it’s planning a date or making up after a fight, anyone can go first because gender roles aren’t rules. Whoever feels ready should speak up, especially since waiting around just drags things out. It creates weird tension that doesn’t need to exist in a relationship.
Don’t Talk About Money
Pretending money doesn’t exist doesn’t exactly pay the bills, and in fact, avoiding the topic is what causes most fights. Yes, sitting down to talk about finances is usually awkward at first, but it’ll help you avoid a lot of drama. Just talking about things once a month on spending and bills could help you avoid the panic, since you’ll have a shared understanding of where the money’s going.
Stick It Out No Matter What
There’s a difference between weathering a rough patch and being absolutely miserable for years. Unfortunately, not everyone recognizes that. Staying for the kids or out of guilt can do more harm than good. If something’s broken beyond repair, leaving doesn’t mean you failed. Instead, it means you have self-respect. A healthy split could be much better for everyone involved since it gives you a chance for a new start.
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