Parents are well-intentioned… but sometimes they drop “wisdom” that slaps rather than hugs. The words may sound encouraging in their minds, but in reality? They sting, shut you down, or just make matters worse. Whether it’s old-fashioned advice or low-key emotional sabotage, here are 19 common parent-isms that must be put out of commission — now. Because “I’m saying this for your own good” doesn’t make it any less annoying.
“Everything Happens for a Reason”
Cool, so my heartbreak, failure, or mental breakdown was simply the universe’s cute little plan? This is essentially the emotional equivalent of ghosting. It avoids real emotions and tells us to tough it up rather than actually working through the pain.
“Big Boys/Girls Don’t Cry”
This one did actual harm. Boys internalized everything. Girls felt guilty for feeling. Suppression of emotion is not a strength; it is a trauma reaction. Everyone cries. It’s being human. Let’s move past playing like feelings are imperfections.
“You’ll Understand When You’re Older”
This one’s just flat out condescending. It belittles whatever we’re experiencing and makes it come across as though we’re too stupid or too young to be taken into account. Spoiler alert: Sometimes we grow up and still don’t happen to agree with you. And guess what? That’s okay.
“We Only Want What’s Best for You”
This is a tricky one because it’s pleasant-sounding. But “what’s best” traditionally means “what we want” — even if it destroys your dreams. Desiring the best doesn’t entitle parents to micromanage the lives of their adult children.
“Other Kids Have It Worse”
So we can’t feel bad or sad because someone has it worse? That’s like saying you can’t be happy that someone has it better. Pain is not a competition — empathy isn’t that way.
“What Will People Think?”
This taught us to value appearance over authenticity. It’s not what’s right, it’s about saving face. Children learn to orient their behavior around shame and fear rather than morals or compassion. That’s not guidance, that’s pressure.
“You’re Too Sensitive”
Nope. Because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean we’re “too sensitive.” This is a quick pass to gaslighting. It makes our normal reactions into a flaw, as if the actual problem isn’t what was said, but that we had the audacity to feel something.
“Be Yourself — but Perhaps Don’t Wear That”
A backhanded classic. You want us to be ourselves, but only if that “real” version of ourselves won’t humiliate you or make you nervous. You can’t advocate freedom of expression and then stomp all over it in the same sentence.
“You Don’t Know What Real Stress Is”
Oh? So our burnout, anxiety, or heartbreak don’t count because we’re not juggling three jobs and six kids? Everyone’s pain is real to them. Shaming us with a struggle contest only makes us feel more alone.
“When I Was Your Age…”
Unless that is followed up by an actually wild tale, this typically rings in our ears as a guilt trip in an old jug. The world is different now, and drawing parallels between your ‘walked 10 miles through the snow’ battle and nowadays doesn’t work — it merely makes our eye roll harder.
“Stop Crying or I’ll Give You Something to Cry About”
Translation: “Let me scare you emotionally for having feelings.” That line should be tossed in the sun. It’s not against the law to cry. Threatening someone simply because they’re upset does not make you tough; it makes you intimidating.
“It’s Not That Big of a Deal”
To YOU, maybe. But brushing off our pain or drama just because it doesn’t shake your world is invalidating. If it matters to us, at least pretend to care instead of making us feel ridiculous.
“I’m Not Mad, Just Disappointed”
The emotional sniper. Worse than yelling, I guess. It inflicted shame directly into your stomach. Disappointment hurts more than anger because it inflicts pain on your worth, not your actions. And parents employed it as a smiley silent punishment.
“What Do You Have to Be Sad About?”
This line steals away your reality. Like children must work and earn sadness? Mental health doesn’t discriminate by age, finances, or how “good” you have it. When you tell someone that they can’t be sad, it’s toxic, period.
“You’ll Thank Me One Day”
Will I? Or will I unload it in therapy years later? This is a common rationalization of controlling or abusive behavior. It tries to justify the end by any means, and it doesn’t. Love and control are not the same thing.
“That’s Not How We Were Brought Up”
Cool. And? Times change. Traumas get unpacked. Saying this just shuts down progress. Instead of reflecting on what might be better, it clings to the idea that “surviving” childhood is enough. We’re aiming for healing, not reruns.
“You’re Not Depressed, You’re Just Bored”
This one is infuriatingly dismissive. Mental illness isn’t a phase or something that is fixed by “going for a walk.” Sweeping legitimate problems under the rug just drives kids away further and tells them to stuff it until it blows.
“That’s Just How the World Is”
Translation: “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” It’s the most dismissive way to avoid nuance. Instead of empowering kids to challenge unfair systems or think critically, it trains them to just accept injustice as normal.
“I Sacrificed Everything for You”
This one has emotional baggage like a mafia debt. We did not ask to be born, and holding up your sacrifices as a tool feels more manipulative than loving. If you sacrificed things, don’t hold it over our heads for eternity.
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