We grew up literally marinated in fancy love stories in movies – the grand gestures, the precise ways of communicating, and the couples who always remember to throw in a “good morning.” But that’s not the reality of real intimacy! Real relationships are much more messy and quiet, and definitely don’t look great on Instagram. Somewhere between “find your person” and “just communicate,” we lost the line and began to expect the impossible. Here are 8 expectations we have in relationships that sound great on paper, but when you get a couple of real humans involved, they fall apart…and that’s okay!
“Your Partner Should Be Your Everything”
Sounds lovely, but it is unrealistic. Expecting one person to be your lover, therapist, cheerleader, and entire emotional support system is a recipe for disappointment. Nobody can be your everything without losing themselves along the way. Healthy relationships mean having a life outside of your partner. Friends, hobbies, joy on your own – all of that matters.
“Always Being on the Same Page”
The ideal: crazy emotional intimacy, finishing each other’s sentences, and knowing what the other is thinking without saying a word. The reality? One person is thinking about dinner while the other is questioning their entire existence.
While we like to connect as closely as possible, we can never expect two people to grow both at the same pace or see the world through the same lenses. Connection does not involve mind-reading; it’s figuring out a way to meet halfway – without losing each other in the process.
“Keep the Spark Alive 24/7”
No one tells you that the spark has its down days, too. Life gets in the way, stress takes its toll, and sometimes romance just means you’re sharing pizza and watching a trash reality show before falling asleep.
Passion is not just a fire that is supposed to burn brightly every day; it is more complicated. It’s a spark that needs both of you to actively nurture. The magic is not about always having fun; it is about creating safety and warmth, enough that you want to stay.
“True Love Means You Never Fight”
If you never disagree, one of you is likely suppressing something that matters (or is already likely planning their escape). Disagreements don’t ruin relationships, but avoidance? It sure as hell does. The healthiest couples do fight, but they fight well. So, the yelling about the dirty dishes does not mean your relationship is over; it just means you are human. The real danger is when you act as if you are “above” disagreeing with other people, when you do in fact hold simmering resentment inside.
“Jealousy Means They Care”
It is cute in movies, toxic in real life. A little bit of jealousy can sometimes be a human experience – but control, paranoia, or possessiveness are not loving feelings – they are insecure feelings. When someone truly cares, they will not require you to reassure them every hour or monitor your every move. If someone truly loves you, they want you to feel free, not afraid. Jealousy may feel very flattering at first, but long-term, it’s deceptive.
“The Right Person Will Fix You”
They will not – nor should they. Your partner can be there to help you heal, but they cannot heal you. You need therapy, not romance. This idea turns relationships into rehab facilities, and love into work. The reality is, the “right person” is not going to be the one to fix you; they are going to be the one who makes you want to do the work yourself. If you are waiting to be saved, you will only end up resenting whoever or whatever tried to help.
“They Should Just Know What You Need”
Telepathy is not a love language. This sets up far more relationships for failure than cheating ever will. You’re not “low-maintenance” when you don’t express your needs – you’re just suppressing them until they explode. Communicating your needs is not nagging; it is just being clear. The most romantic thing you can do is to use your words like the adult that you are.
“You Need Constant Communication”
“Text me all day!” felt cute, until adulting hit. You cannot have mystery, autonomy, and productivity if you are tethered to your device, 24/7. Love does not require every update each hour – it requires trust. Let your partner live their life without the obligation to provide a second-by-second recap. Missing each other a little adds interest to the relationship.
18 Things Husbands Do That Most Wives Resent
These are the things that pile up quietly until one day she’s aggressively stirring the pasta and the man’s asking, “Wait. Is she mad at me?” Yes. Yes, she is. Here are 18 of these things.
18 Things Husbands Do That Most Wives Resent