Nobody wants to admit they might be that parent—the one their children secretly dislike when they’re grown. Yes, nobody’s perfect—but some of the ways we’re parenting today can leave scars that continue into adulthood. If your grown children ignore your calls, set strict boundaries, or secretly resent you, one of these 17 habits may be why.
Making Everything About Yourself
When your kid comes up with a problem, you somehow redirect the conversation toward your troubles. Newsflash: Not everything’s about you. If your child talks of their hurt and your response is, “You think this bad? When I was your age…” Well, congratulations—you’ve made them feel unheard and invalidated. Over time, this breeds resentment. Listen, don’t hijack the conversation.
Comparing Them with Other Kids
“You know, your cousin has a better job.” “Your sister didn’t act this way.” Comparisons create bitterness, not motivation. Kids raised on comparisons learn to dislike themselves and the people with whom they’re being compared. In adulthood, they’re resentful of you—or they’ve learned they can’t be “enough.” Either way, it’s a lose-lose situation.
Controlling Every Choice They Make
Strict parents are prone to say, “I want what’s best for you.” But what they’re telling their children is, “I want you to live the life I had planned for you.” When kids aren’t allowed to make mistakes, explore their own paths, or even choose their own hobbies, they grow up feeling suffocated. Then, as adults, they either rebel hard—or they never truly feel like their life belongs to them.
Dismissing Their Feelings as ‘Dramatic’
Ever told your child, “Stop being too dramatic” or “You’re exaggerating”? That’s a prescription for bitterness. When children (later adults) feel their emotional experiences aren’t being heard, they stop sharing. And when they stop opening up? The emotional bond starts cracking. You don’t need to agree with their emotional response, but you need to acknowledge them.
Criticizing Instead of Encouraging
Ever notice how some parents only speak up when something goes wrong? “Why’d you get a B instead of an A?” “You’re wearing that?” All this criticism creates this notion in children’s minds that they’re not enough, and nothing they can do will be enough. And when they finally manage to shake them off, they end up pushing you away or wasting their whole adulthood searching for the approval they will never find.
Using Money to Control Them
Want to ensure your child dislikes you for the remainder of their lives? Tie strings on every money decision. If you’re the parent who says, “I paid for your college, so therefore, you need to obey me,” don’t be surprised when your child checks out the minute they’re independent. Support should be genuine, not a sneaky way to keep control.
Invalidating Their Career or Life Choices
Not every kid wants to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. If you view their actual passion as disappointment, then what message are you sending them? The message, of course, is, “Your dreams don’t matter unless they align with mine.” That’s guaranteed to create resentment. Honor their choice even if you don’t understand them.
Playing Favorites
“Oh, I love them both the same.” Lies. Kids always know who’s the golden child and who’s the afterthought. If you constantly praise one kid while nitpicking another, don’t be surprised when they grow up resenting both you and their sibling. Love has to be equal, period.
Never Apologizing
Being a parent doesn’t mean you can’t ever be wrong. If you mess up (which, yes, you will), say sorry. Failing to say sorry leads children to feel their pain doesn’t matter. And trust me—resentment builds fast when someone is forced to “deal with it” while the other person never acknowledges the damage.
Making Them Responsible for Your Happiness
Your child isn’t your therapist. Your child isn’t your emotional support group. If you dump guilt and obligation on them for your happiness, they will carry guilt and resentment into adulthood. “You’re my sole source of happiness.” “I sacrificed everything for you.” That’s not love, that’s emotional blackmail. Need a healthy relationship? Work on your feelings–do not dump them on your child.
Forcing Them to Follow Your Life Path
Not everyone wants to live in the same town, follow the same traditions, or have the same beliefs. If you pressure your child to be a mini-you instead of letting them carve their own path, they’ll feel trapped when they grow up. And when they finally leave, don’t expect them to look back.
Expecting Perfection But Failing To Set The Example
You demand respect and then act disrespectful. You tell them to manage their feelings, and then explode for nothing. You expect them to be truthful and then lie to them on a regular basis. Kids can smell the hypocrisy. And nothing breeds more bitterness more quickly than a parent who expects perfection and doesn’t practice what they preach.
Holding Their Past Failures Over Their Head
If your 15-year-old made a dumb mistake, don’t tell them when they’re 35. Dwelling on their failures from years ago only breeds bitterness. They’ve grown. They’ve changed. Let them move forward instead of dragging them backward.
Controlling Their Adult Relationships
Parents who intervene in their children’s relationships, marriages, and parenting choices end up on the losing end. Nobody wants to be controlled—and least of all adults. If your kid distances themselves after you try to dictate their relationships, that’s on you. Let them live their life.
Ignoring Their Boundaries
“I’m your parent; I can show up unannounced!” Oh, no, you can’t. If your kid asks for space, respect it. If you crash their boundaries, they’ll start pulling away.
Never Acknowledging their Hard Work
Your kid can be out there winning awards, breaking barriers, and thriving—and still, all you can say is what they haven’t achieved. If you’re constantly reminding them of being never quite enough, don’t be surprised when they cease striving for your approval.
Acting Like They Owe You Their Entire Life
This one’s the grand finale: “I gave you life.” I put a roof over your head.” Yes, this is called parenting. If you tell your child every step of the way what you did for them, you’re not fostering love—you’re demanding repayment. Kids don’t owe their parents for being alive. And if you make them feel like they do, then one day, they’re going to leave—and they’re not going to be looking back.
How Your Childhood Shapes Every Relationship You’ll Ever Have
How your parents treated you, the amount of love (or lack thereof) you received, and even disastrous family dinners all played a lasting role in your life. Let’s see how your childhood subtly controls every relationship you’ll ever have.
How Your Childhood Shapes Every Relationship You’ll Ever Have
17 Ways Parenting Has Completely Changed in the Last Few Decades
If you were raising a kid 10 or 20 years ago, you’d hardly recognize today’s parenting world. From TikTok moms to toddler mental health, here are 17 ways parenting has done a complete 180 in the last few decades.
17 Ways Parenting Has Completely Changed in the Last Few Decades