Ever feel like you had a childhood that was all about your parent’s feelings rather than yours? That your parent’s love came with conditions? Like you had to earn love instead of just receiving it? If so, you might have been raised by a narcissistic parent—who lived to manipulate emotions, exercise control, and have everything revolve around them. These 16 signs will help you piece together the truth.
Love Was Conditional—and You Knew It
A narcissistic parent uses love as a privilege rather than a right. Love was shown to you if you were obedient, perfect, or if you served to present them well. Anything less? Withdrawal of emotions, criticism, or freezing out? It conditions you to people-please to survive— and now, in adulthood, you might feel terrified of disappointing others.
Your Achievements Were Their Achievements
Got straight A’s? It was all their parenting. Did you get an award? Naturally, that was a credit to them, not to the work you actually put into it. Narcissistic parents think their kids are a reflection of them. Your successes are their successes, their failure? Better kept quiet about that—that they can’t stomach being less-than-perfect.
Their Mood Dictated the Entire Household
Everyone walked on eggshells if mom or dad was in a bad mood. The whole house adjusted to their emotions because an upset parent meant chaos was coming. Children of narcissists develop a hyper-awareness of other individuals’ emotions—a survival mechanism that becomes a chronic anxiety later on in their lives.
Your Feelings Were Always “Too Much”
Did you ever cry as a kid? Angered? Feel a normal human feeling? If your parent responded: “Stop being dramatic” or “You’re so sensitive,” you were gaslit into suppressing emotions. Narcissistic parents can’t tolerate anything that takes the light away from them, so they instruct you to silence your feelings.
Your Success Was Either Theirs or “Not a Big Deal”
Got a raise? “Well, I was working harder at your age.” Got a degree? “That is nice, but your cousin had a Master’s.” Anything you achieved either got downplayed or claimed as their own success. Nothing was yours to claim.
They Compared You to Others a Lot
Nothing you did was ever enough. There was always another kid out there who was brighter, more talented, or more obedient. Rather than celebrate your uniqueness, they used comparisons to manipulate you into trying harder—in their best interests.
Apologies? What Are Those?
If you ever waited for an apology from your narcissistic parent, you might still be waiting. No matter how wrong they are, they will manipulate the story so that you’re the one apologizing. “I wouldn’t have yelled if you were easier to deal with.” Does that sound like something you’ve experienced? In their fragile ego, they cannot possibly do anything wrong, so they redefine the story. In their universe, they are infallible.
Boundaries? What Boundaries?
Did your parents enter your bedroom without being invited? Demanded to know all of your deepest secrets? Controlled you well into adulthood? Narcissistic parents do not respect personal boundaries—they consider them a threat to their authority. If you tried to set a boundary, they were offended, hurt, or angry.
They Were Jealous of You
Yes, they are jealous of their very own child. They resented if you were getting attention, succeeding, or looking better than them at anything. Instead of being proud of you, they’d undermine you quietly, making you feel like you weren’t good enough. Their aim? To keep you small so they remain the best.
They Wouldn’t Let You Grow Up
Did they freak out when you gained independence? Narcissistic parents hate losing control, so when you start making your own choices, they’ll guilt-trip, sabotage, or shame you. Moving out, getting married, or setting boundaries can trigger a meltdown—because your autonomy means they’re no longer in charge.
Gaslighting is Their Power Weapon
“You’re remembering this all wrong.” “I never told you that.” “You’re being too sensitive.” Narcissistic parents reinterpret the past to their advantage, making you question the authenticity of your memories. Over time, this erodes trust within you.
They Needed Perpetual Praise
You couldn’t just remain a child; you had to remain an audience. They’d look for compliments and anticipate admiration, and if you called them out, you were being disrespectful. Their ego had to be fed 24/7, and guess who had to feed them? YOU!
They Played the Victim—Always
Narcissistic parents are never held accountable. If you confronted them about their abusive actions, they would turn the story to frame them as the real victims. Somehow, your pain always became their suffering.
They Had a Golden Child and a Scapegoat
If you have siblings, was one the “perfect” child while the other could do nothing right? Narcissistic parents divide and conquer—they put their kids at odds by favoring one over the other. If you were the scapegoat, you were constantly criticized. If you were the golden child, you were put under pressure to be perfect. Either way, nobody wins.
Guilt-Tripping Was Their Superpower
They could make you feel bad about anything. Didn’t call them back the very moment they called? “I guess you no longer love me.” Put a boundary? “After everything I’ve done for you?” They knew exactly how to make you feel like the worst person alive for simply existing on your terms.
They’re Still Trying to Control You as an Adult
Even after you move out, get married, or have kids of your own, they still try to control your life. They guilt you into not contacting them sufficiently, judge you about your career choices, or meddle in your relationships. The toughest reality? They’re not going to change. However, you can change. Setting firm boundaries is necessary—otherwise, you’re going to keep enabling their continuous drama.
Signs You Grew Up Too Fast and Missed Out on Being a Kid
If you feel like your childhood skipped a few levels and you went straight to adulting, you’re not alone. Here are some giveaways that show you grew up too fast and missed out on the carefree, messy chaos of just being a kid.
Signs You Grew Up Too Fast and Missed Out on Being a Kid
19 Things You Should Never Say to Your Kids—No Matter Their Age
Sure, parenting is hard, and no one gets it right 100% of the time. But some phrases? They do real damage. If you’ve ever said any of these, it might be time to rethink how you talk to your kids—because these words can haunt them forever.
19 Things You Should Never Say to Your Kids—No Matter Their Age