You think you’re being a “bad child” by setting boundaries? You seriously do need to think again. Narcissistic parents are masters of manipulation—and their favorite target is typically their grown-up kids. From guilt trips to gaslighting on speed dial, they’re underhanded, ruthless, and draining.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re being a human yo-yo in your adulthood, it’s not in your head. Here are 15 manipulation techniques employed by narcissistic parents—some of which might ring a little too close to home.
“I’m the Victim Here” – Flipping the Script
You call them out on something? BOOM—now they’re the victim. They’ll cry, exaggerate, or bring up something that happened years ago to place blame on you. You can say, “You hurt me when you said that,” and the next thing you know they’re crying over being ungrateful. Suddenly you’re apologizing to them. For their behavior. A+ manipulation.
They Use Money as a Leash, Not a Gift
Helping you with rent? Paying a bill? For a narcissistic parent, generosity always involves strings—thick, tangled, invisible strings. Suddenly, that help becomes leverage. Now they expect a say in your life, your career, and even your boyfriend or girlfriend. And if you dare step out of line? They threaten to cut you off. Independence is their worst nightmare.
They Gaslight You Until You Doubt Reality
You say something that’s painful to you from your childhood, and now you’re the crazy one. “That never happened.” “You’re being too sensitive.” The gaslighting is classic. They distort facts, they refuse to acknowledge what’s clear to you, and they act like your memory is at fault. Slowly you start to question your own truth. And that’s exactly what they want—confused children can be more easily controlled.
They Constantly Guilt Trip You
Ever heard the line, “After everything I’ve done for you?” Ah, yes. Narcissistic parents use guilt like a Jedi mind trick, making you feel selfish for setting boundaries or living your own life. They’ll remind you of every little thing that they ever did for you—such as feeding you as a child (which, by the way, is the bare minimum). If guilt were a scoreboard, they’d be undefeated.
They Turn Every Achievement Into Their Own Win
Got a promotion? Bought a house? Great. Now watch them take credit. “You wouldn’t be here without me.” The narcissistic parent sees your success as their reflection. They will steal your spotlight and mark their name on your accomplishment. You can’t even enjoy your wins without them barging into your party.
They Always Compare You to Others
“You know your cousin just bought a house, right?” Narcissistic parents love to make your life a competition—and you always fall short. It’s their sneaky way of making you feel inferior without actually saying anything to you while keeping you desperate to win their approval. The more insecure you are, the more they can control you.
The “No One Will Ever Love You Like I Do” Trap
The narcissistic parent will make you feel like you’re their only priority. They will speak poorly of your partners, your friends, or even your therapists and say things like, “No one knows you as I do” or “They’re using you“. Why? Because isolating you means you’ll always come back to them—no matter your will.
Playing Sibling Chess: The Golden Child vs. The Scapegoat
Narcissistic parents enjoy playing siblings against each other. The golden child is lavished with praise and attention, while the other is blamed for everything. If you ever found yourself competing with your siblings to be accepted or loved, it wasn’t an accident. It’s a strategy. Divide and conquer keeps you off balance—and keeps them in control.
They Intrude into Your Relationship As If It Were Their Job
If they don’t like your partner, best friend, or even your pet—they will sabotage it. The narcissistic parents grudge anything that takes your attention off of their presence. Therefore, they make drama, give passive-aggressive remarks, or pretend to be dumb while sowing seeds of suspicion. They want to be at the center of attention—and your relationship is collateral damage.
They Make Everything About Them—Even Your Pain
You share something difficult, and now they are whining about their problems. You open up, and they upstage your trauma. “You think that’s bad? Listen to what happened to me.” The narcissistic parent can’t handle not being at the center of every conversation—regardless of if you are suffering.
They Control Through Silence
When they don’t get their way, they become completely unresponsive. No texts, no calls, but a cold “You know what you did” silence. It’s not space that they need—it’s punishment for you. They want you to crawl back, apologize, and beg to be let back in. And if you do? They’ll pretend to be “forgiving” you—despite you doing nothing wrong.
Constant Criticism Disguised as “Help”
You get your dream job? “Oh, nice, but have you ever thought of something more stable?” You buy a house? “It’s a bit small, don’t you think?” They will never outright insult you—instead, they make small comments that quietly chip away at your self-confidence. If you’re constantly feeling like you’re never good enough, they’ve succeeded.
The “Crisis of Health” that Arises Whenever You Say No
Nothing upsets a narcissistic parent more than losing control. So, the instant you step back? Suddenly they’re “sick.” Their back pain worsens, they’re dizzy, and they don’t have much time left (dramatic sigh). And of course, it is your fault because you’re stressing them out. How convenient.
The “You Owe Me” Mindset
Parenting to them wasn’t a display of love—it was an investment. And now? They want a return. It can be money, attention, or control—anything to make you feel like you “owe” them to exist. But here’s the truth: love isn’t a transaction. You don’t owe anyone your peace.
“You’ve Changed” – The Ultimate Guilt Trip
You grow, you heal, you set boundaries, and their response? “You’re not the same anymore”—as if that were something to complain about. What they really mean is, “I can no longer control you.” The best you can do? Keep on evolving. Keep on growing.
19 Things You Should Never Say to Your Kids—No Matter Their Age
Sure, parenting is hard, and no one gets it right 100% of the time. But some phrases? They do real damage. If you’ve ever said any of these, it might be time to rethink how you talk to your kids—because these words can haunt them forever.
19 Things You Should Never Say to Your Kids—No Matter Their Age
How Your Childhood Shapes Every Relationship You’ll Ever Have
How your parents treated you, the amount of love (or lack thereof) you received, and even disastrous family dinners all played a lasting role in your life. Let’s see how your childhood subtly controls every relationship you’ll ever have.
How Your Childhood Shapes Every Relationship You’ll Ever Have