Toxically charming bosses don’t have to shout and throw things – some can be just a “nice” boss. “Nice” bosses are their own breed with charm, flattery, and a way of making you feel lucky to have so much work. They’ll wax on about “team spirit” while voiding your limits.
They’ll emotionally manipulate you to get you to do more for their objective. It’s not kindness, it’s deception (best to think it is subterfuge). Here are six things “nice” bosses do that are actually lowkey manipulative.
Compliments Before Criticism
“Your work has been so great lately, but…” Oh, you totally know what is coming. The compliment sandwich – the corporate apology for the verbal beating that is about to take place. It is a common trope of one of the commonly used tactics to make critique seem like “constructive feedback” – even though it is not.
You are left with questioning your judgment, but somehow grateful for their “support.” Spoiler alert: That’s not supportive; they are just brainwashing you under a positive facade.
Pretending That They “Hate to Ask”
They’ll sigh, saying, “I hate to ask but…” – Like making you feel bad for them makes the demand ethical. They’ve just feigned reluctance to get you to say “yes.” Again, they act as if it’s painful for them to ask you, while they shuffle the emotional toil onto you. Now, you feel bad for saying “no.” It’s a great move – sound apologetic for asking you, while getting exactly what they want you to do.
Acting Shocked When You Set Boundaries
“Oh no, I didn’t mean to bother you!” they’ll say when you finally push back and miserably try to set some boundaries. Nice bosses like to keep plausible deniability and act shocked/hurt when you simply push back. Again, a power move made to feel like it was an act of caring; they take your discomfort and make it into their emotional burden, so you feel guilty for just wanting work/life balance. It’s genius. And disgusting.
“I Just Need a Small Favor”
That “small” favour almost always results in a weekend project. A “nice” boss will use euphemisms to soften the big ask – it sounds harmless, but it’s manipulation. They know you will say yes because that approach feels so chill. Before you know it, you are waist-deep in someone else’s responsibility, and you’re still thanking them for “trusting you with it.”
Exploiting “I Believe in You”
Yeah, hearing that sounds sweet, right? But it is often just a code for, “Here is a bunch of impossible tasks that I have decided must be completed by you.” And it always works on you. No wonder a “nice” boss likes that language, as praise feels empowering and alleviates guilt for exploiting you. You feel flattered and accept the task. And before you know it, you have a lot of work unloaded on your back, and your boss is bragging about how “incredibly motivated” you are.
Oversharing Personal Struggles
Have you ever had a boss drop some of their personal struggles, such as their mental health, marriage, or finances, immediately after denying your raise? It’s a trap with terms of engagement that you weren’t prepared for. By sharing their emotional struggles, they quickly lower your guard and make you feel guilty for asking for anything. And suddenly, you are now comforting them instead of bringing up the work.
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