Parents don’t need to be perfect, but words matter—more than we think. One careless sentence can stick in a kid’s mind for years, shaping how they see themselves and the world. Sure, parenting is hard, and no one gets it right 100% of the time. But some phrases? They do real damage. If you’ve ever said any of these, it might be time to rethink how you talk to your kids—because these words can haunt them forever.
“I Wish You Were Never Born”
Let’s just start with the nuclear bomb of emotional damage. Whatever is said, that sentence never leaves a child’s mind. It plants the belief that they’re here by accident. And guess what? That can linger forever, leading them to believe that they’re unlovable. You know what? If you ever feel like saying this? Take a deep breath and walk away.
“Stop Crying. It Is No Big Deal”
You might as well say, “Your feelings don’t matter.” When your child is upset, it is important to them. Downplaying their feelings teaches them to suppress things rather than process them. And guess what? That’s how you end up with emotionally distant grown-ups that can’t discuss things. Try this instead, “I can see that you are upset. Would you like to discuss?”
“Why Can’t You Be Like [Sibling/Friend]?”
Nothing fuels bitterness quicker than comparing your child to others. It makes them believe that they are never good enough no matter what, and that love is only offered on conditions. Do you want to raise a child with low self-esteem and sibling jealousy that lasts well into adulthood? I don’t think so. Let them be their own person—flaws, quirks, and all.
“Because I Said So”
Look, sometimes kids ask too many questions. But constantly cutting them off by saying this sentence teaches kids not to use critical thinking. You do not need to defend everything, but explaining, “Here’s why this is important” helps kids learn rules instead of fear of consequences.
“You Were a Mistake”
Even if you think they were unplanned, never let them believe they weren’t meant to exist. Kids who assume they weren’t meant to exist will have self-worth issues throughout life. Don’t let them think that they are a burden, but let them know that no matter how they got here, they matter.
“You’re So Dramatic”
Nope. They’re feeling something. Maybe it’s exaggerated, maybe it’s not, but accusing their feelings of being “dramatic” is saying that they can’t believe what they’re feeling. Skip forward to adulthood, and they’ll second-guess what they’re feeling through relationships, friendships, and careers, too. Instead, walk them through what’s on their mind rather than shutting them up.
“You’re Fine. Get Over It”
What if they’re not okay? What if they have learned that crying will only make things worse? This sentence is teaching children to suppress emotions instead of addressing them. Emotional neglect is real, and it starts by invalidating children’s feelings like they’re meaningless.
“You’re Just Like Your [Hated Family Member]”
Oh, so now they’re gonna turn out like your emotionally unavailable dad or your histrionic sister? Terrific. Kids learn what is said, and if you continue saying it, they will believe it—no matter what is real. When you recognize a pattern you disapprove of, teach them out of it instead of labeling them.
“I’m Disappointed in You”
This one is painful. Of course, parents get frustrated, but phrasing it like this makes kids feel like they are the failure—not their actions. Try saying, “I’m disappointed that you have made that choice, and here’s why.” That way, they will know that they have done something wrong but that they are not wrong. That’s a big difference.
“You Always/Never Do [Insert Bad Thing]”
Generalizing is dangerous. Saying, “You always forget things” makes them feel like they’re permanently flawed, even when they do try. Instead, focus on specific actions: “I noticed you forgot your homework again. Let’s find a way to fix that.” See? No character assassination is necessary.
“You’re Too Sensitive”
What’s the lesson here? Emotions are bad? Do they need to toughen up and pretend they don’t have feelings? That’s how to set up a child to suppress feelings and have issues with relationships throughout life. Being sensitive is not a weakness—it is an emotional strength. Teach them how to handle it, not suppress it.
“You’re Acting Like a Baby”
Ah, yes, that old shame trick. When your child is misbehaving, there is generally a reason why. Mocking them into silence isn’t parenting—this is emotional bullying. A better choice? “What is bothering you?” You’d be surprised by what they open up about when they feel safe.
“You’ll Never Be Good at [Insert Skill Here]”
That’s it. That’s where you shattered their confidence. Kids believe what parents say, so if you make it clear that they will never be good at math, sports, or art, they’ll believe you. And what will they do? They give up trying. Even if they’re doing poorly, encouragement beats discouragement every single time.
“That’s a Dumb Idea”
Want to crush your child’s creativity and confidence? Say that their idea is stupid. Sure, not every idea is going to be of Einstein-level greatness, but instead of shutting them down, ask questions like, “That’s interesting! How do you think that would work?” Fostering interest is much better than making them scared to speak up.
“If You Keep Doing That, No One Will Like You”
Translation: “Your worth is based on others approving of you.” It is fertile ground for people-pleasing and doubt of one’s self. Instead of making your kids afraid of rejection, teach them awareness of themselves. Try saying: “That is unkind—how do you think that makes others feel?” Fear-based motivation is never better than teaching compassion.
“I Do Everything for You”
Newsflash: You signed up for this. The children didn’t ask to be born; you brought them here. Making them guilty of needing things—like food, attention, or emotional support—is manipulating. You can admit that you are overwhelmed, but don’t make them feel like a burden just for existing.
“You’re Lucky I Put Up With You”
Oh, you mean, lucky to have parents that should care for them no matter what? Saying this makes kids feel unworthy of love, as if they have to earn their right to be cared for. That kind of damage will follow them through adulthood, making them likely to remain trapped in abusive relationships. But if you’re angry, say why, not that they’re lucky you haven’t abandoned them.
“You’ll Understand When You’re Older”
Maybe. But kids want to understand now. Saying this doesn’t give them clarity—it just makes them feel dismissed. And if it’s too complicated, break it up into terms that make sense to them. And if it will make sense much later, say, “I’ll explain it when you’re ready.” That way, they don’t feel shut out.
“I Give Up”
Nothing breaks a kid’s heart like hearing that from a parent. Whether it’s about their behavior, struggles, or future, this phrase tells them, “I’m done with you.” Kids will challenge your limits—it’s part of growing up. But kids also need to know that no matter what, you’re never going to give up on them.
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