Engaging a teen in witty banter is like walking on a tightrope: one miss and the danger of an exaggerated sigh or dramatic eye-roll is detectable. Anyway, to keep you on a relatively straight course, here’s a playful do-not-say list of 20 phrases to your favorite adolescent. As long as these words are avoided, you most likely will not enter the danger zone of a “ugh, seriously?” Who knows? Maybe you may even get a grin.
“When I was your age…”
They’re obviously not interested in hearing about all the grand things that happened back in your day. They’re too busy fighting their own battles. Please keep your tales of dial-up internet and mix tapes to yourself unless they ask. (Spoiler: They probably won’t.)
“That’s not real music.”
How laughable! Go ahead—slam that playlist and be prepared for them to tell you just why yours is old-school, give or take a hundred arguments! To spare yourself from this cringe, simply chill along or nod approvingly like a fan.
“You spend too much time on your phone.”
Their phone is their lifeline, their BFF, and occasionally their encyclopedia. Instead of nagging, try suggesting a fun activity that does not involve screens. You might even convince them to look up—temporarily.
“You’ll understand when you’re older.”
“Oh, you are too young to understand.” Apparently, this doesn’t go well. The teens live out here, in the now; they’re not really into time-travel logic. Instead of this, meet them where they are and save your drops of wisdom for later.
“Are you really going out in that?”
This phrase is the greatest expression that translates into “I don’t trust your choices.” If you want to handle sensitive issues with someone, praise their style, even if it’s not your personal style. It could also happen that they will ask you for your advice one day.
“You’re too young to date.”
Ah, that’s the kind of thing that would push someone over the edge of rebelliousness. To tell a child not to date will probably turn that crush into a Romeo and Juliet affair. Just have open chats about dating and relationships—trust me, less frightening than it sounds.
“Because I said so.”
Sometimes, this phrase is absolutely effective to disengage a conversation. But if, instead, you want to have a real point of understanding, showing how you came to that conclusion will take you quite far. When rules make sense, teens are more likely to respect them.
“Why can’t you be more like [sibling/friend]?”
It doesn’t matter how old they might be; comparison creates pain. Instead of telling them how they measure against some others, help them celebrate being one of a kind; remind them they are one in a million!
“You need to think about your future.”
For teenagers, the notion of”future” could seem far off Like another galaxy. Hold back on the lecturing. Rather, weave their current moods and madnesses into these conversations of chances. It is all about planting the seed that will not be a chore.
“You’re not trying hard enough.”
That must be pretty painful, especially since the kids are usually trying to climb some mountain of expectations. Instead of criticizing their efforts, appreciate what they are doing. Good intentions work wonders.
“Why don’t you ever listen to me?”
What a funny old world! Asking this will ensure that they really won’t tune in. If you want to catch their attention, switch it up. Add some humor, relate it to pop culture, or throw in some emojis; they’ve got a greater chance of tuning in.
“You’re being dramatic.”
Spoiler: It may seem like drama to them, but for them, it’s the end of the world. Dismissing their feelings just pours gasoline on the flames. Rather, extend sincere compassion and understanding. You may not see the reason for their panic, but validate it.
“Do you have a job yet?”
The instant stress piles on: balancing school, friends, the attempts to figure out life; teenagers seem to be juggling quite a bit. That is a tricky area of developing responsibility without putting on the pressure.
“You’re grounded!”
Classic? Yes. Effective? Perhaps debatable. Instead of a default in grounding, consider some creative methods of just consequences that will teach a lesson instead of widening a gap. Perhaps they might learn something—and you’ll stay sane.
“I told you so.”
Nobody appreciates a gloating person, least of all, a teenager. When they make a mistake, resist the urge to rub it in. Instead, maybe even lend a hand with compassion; who knows, they might turn to you the next time they’re in a jam.
“You’ll ruin your life with that tattoo.”
It may not be your top choice for an idea, but teenagers find their identity in exploration. Talk calmly about the pros and cons. Who knows? Maybe they’ll settle for something meaningful—or drop it altogether.
“Your friends are a bad influence.”
Criticizing your crew is a sure way to get them on the defensive. Better to guide them towards smart choices. Trust in their figuring out a good choice of crew somewhere along the way.
“Stop being so lazy.”
Sometimes, a teen simply needs to recharge; it’s not a sign of laziness but of being human. Encourage them to find balance between work and relaxation. After all, even superheroes need a break.
“You’ll never make it if you don’t change.”
Ouch! That shattered their confidence. Teens are in dire need of encouragement to help them see themselves, quirks and all. Instead of doom-filled warnings, fill them with hope, support, and constructive advice.
“You’re embarrassing me.”
It’s the ultimate showdown! If a teen has an embarrassing reputation, well, telling them, ”You embarrass me” will just challenge them to raise the bar on cringe. It sounds so much better to laugh it off; this way, you either sell a sense of cool parent or just diffuse the tension. Win-win either way.
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