If you grew up in a time when your internet made dial-up noises and your phone had actual buttons, then you remember toys being quite different, too. They didn’t light up on their own or talk back. They didn’t even come with a charger, but somehow, that made them much more fun. We just had plastic, cardboard, and a lot of imagination. Unfortunately, a lot of kids today would never understand how much fun these toys were because they’re just not used to them. Here are some toys today’s kids will never love like we did.
Big Wheel
We remember many summers where we jumped on a Big Wheel, cranked the plastic pedals as hard as we could, and then just prayed that our driveway was long enough to build up speed. The louder the wheels screeched, the better, although if you hit gravel, you were basically toast. Even though that giant front tire always wore down on one side and wobbled like crazy, we didn’t stop until it cracked completely. It just became a downhill sled when that happened.
Lite-Brite
Most of us remember jamming a Lite-Brite’s tiny colored pegs into black paper to make a glowing unicorn or rocket ship. We’d squint for an hour and stab our fingers at least once, but still think it looked great when the light turned on. These days, most younger people would shove it in a drawer because it’s not stimulating enough for them. But back in the day, half the fun of using one was running out of black paper and trying to reuse the ones full of holes anyway.
Sit ‘n Spin
A Sit ‘n Spin was quite literally just a plastic disc you sat on and spun yourself into oblivion. There was no screen or music, just you, your inner ear, and the floor. You’d do it until you nearly puked and then laugh about it. Unfortunately, kids today would probably think it’s broken because it doesn’t move on its own, and they don’t understand how much fun you could have with using one.
Waterful Ring Toss
With a Waterful Ring Toss, you’d press those janky buttons like your life depended on it, and try to float tiny plastic rings onto poles inside a little water tank. While it made zero noise and had no reward system, you just couldn’t beat the feeling of landing all the rings just right. Nowadays, it’d probably last three seconds before a kid tosses them aside. They’d hate the fact that these toys could leak.
Spirograph
You’d open the Spirograph box thinking it was going to be quick. But the next thing you knew, the entire floor was covered in little wheels and blue ink stains. The plastic tray never actually held anything, and you’d always lose the clear ring that kept the pen in line, but we still sat hunched over the paper, spinning out designs. Kids today don’t understand how proud we were to have piles of paper filled with spirals.
View-Master
In the past, you’d see a View-Master in practically every toy chest, probably with fingerprints all over the lenses and a few cracked reels nearby. We’d hold these up and press the side lever to get a new still image in glorious 3D, which felt utterly futuristic. Of course, today, these toys seem anything but advanced. Yet we couldn’t get enough of that frozen frame of Bugs Bunny on a mountain or a blurry shot of the Grand Canyon.
Clackers
Once someone handed you a pair of Clackers, there was no going back. You’d start off gently and try to make them knock together without losing a finger, then five minutes later, you’d be whacking them around like crazy. They made this awful snapping sound that everyone nearby could hear, and one solid misfire would leave you with a bruise the size of a plum. Most schools banned them, and kids today would probably see them as more of a weapon than a toy.
Shrinky Dinks
With Shrinky Dinks, you’d draw on this weird, cloudy plastic and then place it in the oven, where it would curl and flatten. Later, it came out looking like a shrunken version of your original with jagged edges and a glossy sheen. It made the entire kitchen smell weird for an hour afterward, but it was totally worth it, whether it came out perfect or ended up looking like melted letters. These days, kids would be confused about how cooking a piece of plastic could be fun.
Madballs
Every single Madball looked like it needed to be quarantined, thanks to those giant eyeballs and rotting faces. One had stitches and green goo leaking from its mouth, yet we loved them all like pets. We’d bring ours to school and immediately start a contest to see who had the nastiest one. And yes, they smelled. Once you caught a whiff, you never forgot. But these toys are too simple for young people today.
Pogo Ball
You were supposed to stand on Pogo Ball’s disc and bounce, but most of us just wobbled around for 15 seconds before landing in a bush. If you were talented enough, you could kind of bounce in place without falling off, which felt like one of the greatest victories as a kid. But it didn’t matter if you couldn’t do it because you kept the Pogo Ball anyway, convinced one day you’d finally master it. Most kids today would get bored with using one in about 5 minutes.
Wacky Wall Walkers
Wacky Wall Walkers were stretchy, sticky octopus blobs that were pure chaos. After you threw them at the wall, you’d just watch as they sometimes tumbled down in slow motion, sometimes got stuck forever. However, the novelty wore off pretty quickly once they became covered in every crumb and dust bunny in the house. You never really asked for one, but somehow you always had five. Younger people wouldn’t understand how fun these could be.
Gak
You couldn’t hide Gaks anywhere because the second someone cracked open the container, the whole room knew. It made those loud squishing sounds that immediately got you in trouble if the teacher was nearby, and you’d stretch it until it snapped, then smoosh it back together. Sometimes, you’d poke it into the container, just to hear it fart. Now, many kids wouldn’t like having Gaks because they dry out after a week and leave weird streaks on your desks.
Pop Beads
Pop Beads looked like candy and hurt like Legos when you stepped on them barefoot. Even so, we’d snap them into necklaces and bracelets, or make weird snake chains that had no real purpose to them. Somehow, you always lost one bead that rolled under the couch, and most of our “designs” were just 10 beads in a loop. But we still wore them like we were headed to a red carpet.
Koosh Ball
A Koosh Ball really didn’t do much, but for some reason, we’d always have one in our backpack to throw or swing by one string. Young people today would never get the appeal of this toy because it had no rules and no game. Just a satisfying squish and those floppy rubbery strings that clung to your hoodie like glue. There was also that weird rubber smell. It was quite unforgettable.
Alphie the Robot
Alphie the Robot was a little like that kid at school who always knew the answers but still looked a little confused. You had to jam little activity cards into his chest, and if you got something right, he’d flash a red light, which made you feel like you were on top of the world. Of course, Alphie seems outdated by today’s standards. He didn’t move and didn’t talk much, which is a little too simplistic for modern kids.
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