Love is not as simple as we try to make it out. Be it fairytales or rom-coms, we have been sold lies about what love “should” be. Love is messy, complicated, and sometimes downright confusing, but that’s what makes it real and beautiful.
Here are the 18 biggest lies we’ve all believed about love.
“Love will always feel magical”
That butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling? Sweet, but it’s temporary. Real love is less about the fairytale and more about showing up day in and day out when things aren’t so sparkly. Believing love should always feel like a rom-com can lead you to bail the moment it gets real.
“Love is supposed to be effortless”
Whoever sold us this idea clearly never experienced a long-term relationship. Love isn’t easy; love is work, growth, and compromise. Yeah, the butterflies are nice, but the will of two people to fight through the mess is a real connection. Stop waiting for it to “just happen” and start putting in the effort.
“They will change eventually”
Spoiler alert: they probably won’t. It is a lie to keep you trapped in relationships in which you get no value added. People only change when it’s something they want for themselves, not because they’re wishing for it. Instead of banking on potential, focus on accepting people as they are – or walking away if that doesn’t work for you.
“This is normal”
Normal isn’t always healthy. Toxic patterns, constant arguments, or emotional neglect are not things you should “get used to.” This lie makes you settle for less than what you deserve because it’s what you’ve been taught or observed around you. Normal is not the goal; healthy, fulfilling, and respectful is.
“If they love me, they’ll know what I need”
Love does not come with psychic powers. Expecting your partner to read your mind is like setting them up to fail. Communication is everything, and this lie convinces us to sit silently and stew when our needs aren’t met. Speak up, or you’ll stay stuck in disappointment-ville.
“Love can fix everything”
Love is powerful, but it is not some sort of magic potion. It does not make the toxic behaviors disappear and will not heal emotional wounds overnight. Where there are unresolved issues, love will not patch things up with magic. Sometimes, things take time to fix, and require therapy, and hard conversations, not just repeating “I love you.”
“True love means you never fight”
Newsflash: If you’re never fighting, you’re probably not really communicating. No healthy relationship was ever built without a little disagreement and discussion. Do you avoid fights in order to keep the peace? That’s a red flag. And please, for the love of love, do not confuse conflict with dysfunction – a fight can sometimes be a good thing, as it means you care enough actually to work through some really tough stuff.
“I am the problem, and if I change, things will get better”
This is a relationship killer in disguise. While self-reflection is terrific, taking all the blame isn’t. Love is a two-way street, and one person can not carry the burden of fixing everything. If your partner isn’t pulling their weight, no amount of personal change will magically make things better. Know when it’s you – and when it’s not.
“Love is all about grand gestures”
Romantic gestures are fabulous but aren’t what a healthy relationship is built upon. It’s all the little things that count: checking in after a bad day, doing chores without being asked, showing up when you’re needed. It’s the quiet support that lasts, not the fireworks.
“Love means never having to say sorry”
Whoever started this one owes everyone an apology. Love actually means saying, “I’m sorry” often and meaning it. Nobody is perfect, and taking responsibility is key to trust and respect. Apologies aren’t a weakness; they are a surefire sign of a growing mature relationship.
“Jealousy means they care”
Nope, while a little jealousy may seem cute, it doesn’t equate to love – it equals insecurity. In this lie, possessiveness looks romantic, while in the actual sense, it is toxic. True love is hinged on trust, not constant check-ins or side-eye glances at their phone.
“It’s better to settle than be alone”
Loneliness really sucks, but you know what sucks even worse? Settling for less than what you deserve. This lie convinces us to stay in dead-end relationships because we’re so afraid. Well, let me be the one to let you in on a secret: being alone, waiting for that right person, sure beats being stuck with the wrong one. On that note, do not let fear dictate your choices.
“We are going to be so happy when X will happen”
The “future happiness” trap is sneaky. Be it getting married, buying a house, or having kids, this lie keeps you from enjoying the love you have now. Happiness isn’t waiting down the road; it’s found in the small, everyday moments.
“Just ignore it, things will improve with time”
Sweeping problems under the rug means disaster is coming. Ignoring red flags, arguments, or unresolved issues only makes them fester. This lie convinces you that avoiding discomfort is better than addressing the truth. Spoiler: it’s not. Facing problems head-on is the only way to build a healthy, lasting relationship.
“Love means never having to feel alone again”
Of course, this doesn’t mean that there won’t be periods of loneliness in a loving relationship, but it does mean that your happiness and wholeness can’t depend upon one human being. Love is great, but your relationship with yourself matters, too.
“The perfect relationship does exist”
We all dream of that perfect, drama-free relationship, but let’s face it—there’s no such thing. There is no perfection in love; to even hope for it is to set yourself up for disappointment. Real love is messy, imperfect, and sometimes chaotic—but because of that, it’s beautiful.
“I am not good enough for this person”
Ouch. Rooted in insecurity, this lie keeps you in relationships where you settle for much less. And if you think you’re “lucky” just to be with someone, then you won’t state your needs, either. Newsflash: You deserve love and respect from a partner that recognizes your value – nothing less.
“Love means never feeling attraction for anyone else”
Let’s get real: being in love doesn’t make you blind. It’s natural to notice attractive people, but that doesn’t mean you love your partner any less. This lie makes people feel guilty for being human. It is actions, not passing thoughts, that define loyalty.
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