In a culture obsessed with calling people “narcissists,” it’s easy to make judgments without full awareness of the explanatory spectrum of narcissistic behavior. But another form of narcissism that is more subtle, which may also go unnoticed, is covert narcissism. Instead of the typical characterizations of grandiosity and overt self-centeredness shown by most narcissistic personality disorder presentations, covert narcissists are adept at hiding their narcissism behind a guise of humility or even self-deprecation. So, they can be much more difficult to identify.
Victim Mentality
They often consider themselves to be misunderstood or victims of injustice, meaning the discretion of the victim card can either earn them pity or sympathy from those around them.
Subtle Superiority
They often feel special and superior but they may not outright brag to show that superiority or specialness. They might say something that gives a not so subtle hint that their skills or level of skill is special or better than someone else’s.
Passive-Aggression
Rather than addressing a problem directly, they will act in passive-aggressive ways, specifying they feel bad without dealing with the issue.
Quiet Manipulation
They are very adept at covertly manipulating others or situations to get what you want, suggesting that they are not aware you are manipulating the situation.
Always Envious
When people see others succeed or excel, they experience a sense of jealousy. Instead of being truthful about their feelings, they can minimize what has happened or highlight the imperfections in that success.
Withholding Affection
In some cases, they experience affection or praise as a type of leverage in their possessive relationship with jealousy, giving affection/praise to the person or withholding it to motivate a certain behavior around them.
Sensitivity to Criticism
Even the slightest bit of critique makes them defensive. They feel attacked very easily, even if the critique was meant constructively.
Hidden Arrogance
Underneath it all, they feel they are better than most, even if they aren’t outwardly boastful. But their sense of superiority is solid.
Seeking Validation
They continue to seek out reassurance and validation, wanting to be assured of their worth by others, without overtly requesting it from anyone.
Emotional Detachment
They tend to have a difficult time ever being able to develop a sense of emotional attachment to another, often retaining at some level a degree of distance in their relationships.
Disingenuous Empathy
They can act with empathy and concern, but again, it’s often superficial and devoid of emotional involvement.
Avoiding Responsibility
Generally, owning their mistakes falls outside their abilities. Instead they fabricate a scenario in which they can blame something or someone else for their mistake.
Mood Swings
Their self-esteem is based on the opinions of others, and their mood can shift quickly and often for little reason.
Unreciprocated Generosity
They may personally facilitate or give gifts, but they almost always want something in return. Their “kindness” can come at a cost.
Feelings of Entitlement
Underneath it all, they feel they are entitled to a certain degree of recognition or privilege, even if they do not express these feelings out loud.
Unrealistic Expectations
They expect to receive admiration and understanding from others all the time and can feel bitter if they do not receive these qualities.
Isolation from Loved Ones
They may remove their partner or close friends from their circles and often say it’s for their “own good”, or because of “love”.
Withholding Information
The strategy of keeping secrets or withholding information is one way they exert control and power in their relationships with others.
Difficulty with Intimacy
They crave closeness, but forming genuine intimacy is difficult for them, perhaps because they feel threatened by emotional vulnerability.
Over-Analyzing Praise
If someone praises them, they may analyze your words further, wondering if you are genuine or if you might have ulterior motives. They have trouble accepting genuine praise as it is.
Social Chameleon
They often shift their behaviors, opinions, or attitudes depending on who they are with. This isn’t simply being flexible; it’s more of a desire to be admired or belong to any given person or group.
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Once you become aware of the indicators of emotional immaturity, you can better help yourself be self-aware and change your behavior. It is normal, if you find yourself relating to a lot of these issues. There is always opportunity for growth.
16 Signs You Have an Emotionally Immature Mindset
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From little habits to full-blown quirks, things you might be doing right now push people’s patience to the limit. Don’t be that person – check out these 21 subtly infuriating behaviors that you might not even know you’re guilty of.
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