Some of your “normal” tendencies? Yeah, they’re not really normal – they’re leftovers from the way you were raised. You were taught how to behave, what to think, and how to react. But here’s the thing: not all that you learned when you were growing up was right – or healthy.
Saying “Sorry” for Literally Everything.
Knocked into a chair? You apologized. Another person made a mistake? You still apologized. You were taught to keep peace – even if you weren’t at fault. It’s not about manners as much as shrinking yourself to have peace. But over-apologizing screams “I don’t deserve space,” and babe, you do.
Saying “I’m Fine” When You’re Falling Apart
You may be collapsing on the inside, but out comes the reliable standby: “I’m fine.” Why? Because you were trained to toughen up, suck it up, and not “burden” others with your feelings. Vulnerability? Never allowed. Now you fake being okay like it’s your full-time job – and people actually think you’re okay. (You’re not.)
Believing Rest = Laziness
Grew up in a house where naps were reserved for the “unproductive” and slacking was sinful? That attitude still steals your peace. You feel guilty resting. You work downtime into something that’s a reward for surviving. But this is the thing: working yourself into the ground isn’t heroic – it’s burnout with a bow.
You Fear Disappointing Authority Figures
Teachers, supervisors, elders – you still get anxious in front of them. You need their approval. You over-deliver, over-apologize, and go out of your way not to disappoint them. Because you ached when they were disappointed with you. And now, you still let them control you.
You Downplay Your Achievements
“Oh, it was nothing.” “I just got lucky.” Ring a bell? You downplay every accomplishment because you weren’t complimented as a child, or you were told not to brag. Now, you blush at praise and can’t bask in your victories. You’ve been conditioned to minimize yourself.
Not Talking About Money
If you grew up in a “we don’t talk about money” household, you probably flinch when someone says the word “salary.” But quiet does not equal safe – it just produces shame. Talking about money is not rude. It’s smart. And no, your grandmother’s code of etiquette no longer has any sway.
Feeling Guilty for Saying “No”
You couldn’t say no as a child – so now, rejecting a favor from someone you casually know makes you think you’re the devil. You’re a pro at overcommitting, over-extending, and begrudging it in secret. Childhood taught you that boundaries = selfishness. Twist: they’re not.
Over-explaining Yourself Due to Fear of Being Judged
You can’t simply say no or express an opinion – you must justify it too much, explain it, rationalize it. Why? Because, as a kid, your justification was always unacceptable. Your decisions were questioned, analyzed, or rejected outright. Now, you’re stuck in this overthinking trap.
Needing to “Earn” Relaxation
You can’t relax on Netflix when the kitchen’s a mess. You can’t have takeout without hard cooking with shame. Ring a bell? That’s because you learned when you were a kid that relaxation comes with effort. But pleasure is not something you earn. You don’t need to do it hard first before you relax.
You Obsess Over “What People Think”
Your parents were so obsessed with things being just so – what the neighbors would say, what your in-laws thought, how it “looked.” You now rehearse lines in your head for days, brood over texts, and feel judged even when nobody is watching. You weren’t instructed on living. You were instructed on doing.
You Can’t Make Decisions Without Overthinking
Even tiny choices are life-or-death for you. Why? Because making the “wrong” choice as a child meant shame, punishment, or ridicule. You couldn’t try things out, fail, or trust yourself. Now you question everything… including dinner.
You Think Emotional Support = Weakness
Crying was “dramatic.” Asking for help was “too much.” You learned to stand on your own emotionally – maybe even be numb emotionally. Now you don’t allow people to recline on you. You carry your burdens quietly and consider therapy a luxury. Wake-up call: feelings don’t make you vulnerable.
Feeling Strange Without Being “Helpful”
If you’re not fixing, cleaning, serving, or repairing something, you feel useless. That is not who you are. That is years of learning that your value was in serving. But you are not a machine. You’re a person. Being is enough. Really.
Taking Pride in “Not Needing Help”
Needing help? Ew, no way. You’d rather drag your emotional baggage around alone than admit you need help. That “strong, silent” routine is not strength – it’s fear. You were taught to be independent, yes, but hyper-independence is just self-neglect in sheep’s clothes.
Assuming Love Must Be Earned
You go out of your way in relationships, trying to “earn” your worthiness. That’s not romance – that’s trauma. You learned that love was conditional, based on performance. But healthy love doesn’t require you to audition. It just shows up. No script, no score.
Thinking Boundaries Are “Mean”
Saying, “I don’t like that,” comes across as assaultive. That isn’t your fault – you were taught to do that. You were taught to put other people’s comfort ahead of your own. But boundaries are not walls. They’re doors. And you get to choose who comes through.
Always Expecting the Worst
You call it “realism,” but it’s low-key pessimism. Growing up in an environment of perpetual stress conditioned your mind to ready itself for anarchy. You can’t experience the high because you’re expecting the crash. But maybe – maybe – you’re permitted to have a little faith in life.
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