The man questions the morality of potentially rendering his child’s mother “homeless.” After their separation, the mother struggled to establish stability, prompting the man to provide a reduced-rent flat for the child’s sake.
Considering Homelessness for the Mother
The man questioned whether he would be in the wrong for potentially making his child’s mother “homeless.” They had separated five years ago and had a child together. Initially, the child split their time equally between the parents, but for the first three years, the mother struggled to establish a stable living arrangement.
Providing Stability for the Child
The mother and child would move between relatives’ houses, and after witnessing the 9th move in 3 years, the man could no longer tolerate the situation. Despite his limited savings, he decided to invest in a comfortable two-bedroom flat near the child’s school. He offered the mother a highly reduced rent, prioritizing the child’s stability over the financial strain this purchase placed on him and his supportive new wife.
Change in Living Arrangements
Within a year, the mother determined that she couldn’t adequately care for the child, leading the child to reside with the man permanently. Despite this change, the man had made significant efforts to maintain the child’s relationship with the mother, although their contact had become infrequent, occurring only around four times a year.
Reassessing Financial Considerations
Initially, the man didn’t mind the lack of profit from the flat, as it provided a safe and stable environment for the child during their shared custody. However, with the child now spending a maximum of ten nights per year at the flat, the man began to question the situation.
Pondering an Ongoing Headache
Looking towards the future, the man wondered if this headache would ever cease. The constant barrage of calls, texts, pleas for money, and negotiations over rent for the following month became overwhelming. He pondered when he could cut off the mother from these ongoing demands.
The Dilemma of Homelessness
Giving the mother notice to vacate the flat would render her homeless, as she wouldn’t pass credit checks for private rentals, lacked the means to provide a deposit, and lacked the persistence needed to pursue council housing. Yet, the man contemplated how long he needed to shoulder responsibility for her well-being.
Balancing the Child’s Well-Being
While the child cared deeply for the mother and would be distressed if she became homeless, the man questioned how long he could continue to fill this financial and emotional void. As long as the mother resided in the flat, she felt justified in contacting him daily, without fail.
Future Consequences and Alternatives
He is worried that if he didn’t cut her off now and instead waited until the child was an adult, she might end up relying on the child for support. Thus, he questioned whether he would be in the wrong for giving the mother notice to leave the flat at this time.
Weighing Guilt and Responsibility
The man grappled with the guilt and responsibility of potentially making the mother homeless. He wondered if others would perceive his actions negatively and if the child would hold him accountable for not supporting the mother for a longer period.
Seeking Clarity on the Decision
In his search for a resolution, the man sought guidance on whether he would indeed be the “bad guy” if he gave the mother notice to leave the flat, considering the challenges they faced and the impact on the child’s relationship with her.
The Internet Weighs In
The man took his story to the internet, and here is what some Redditors had to say about the situation.
“You’ve given her WAY more than most people would already, and sounds like she’s ungrateful for everyone who tries helping her. She burns every bridge she crosses, and is now out of options and will no doubt blame you, but in reality she put herself there.”
“This really depends on the age of your kid) you should have an honest an open talk with your kid about all this. Make sure they understand that whilst you care for the Ex all you are doing is enabling the behaviour”
More Opinions
“That all sounds like a her problem than a you problem and from.what you’ve said she will likely continue to take advantage of your generosity until you do something about it”
“You shouldn’t have even gotten her that apartment in the first place, you should have went for full custody instead.”
“You would not be the bad guy, but this is an issue that is really above this forum’s paygrade. It’s something that needs professional advice. I think that evicting her sooner rather than later is best: she’s forced to come to terms with her situation and move on.”
Source: Reddit
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