Is She Wrong for Not Wanting to Stop Her Stepdaughter from Calling Her Mom?
Stepmother’s Dilemma
A woman has been in a relationship with Eric for nearly 12 years. When they first met, Eric already had a daughter named Lisa, who was three years old and is now 14. Lisa’s biological mother left when she was only 1.
Embracing the Role
The woman actively participated in raising Lisa, and when Lisa turned about seven years old, she began calling her “mom.” The woman and Eric discussed this and agreed to explain to Lisa that she was not her biological mother but that it didn’t mean she couldn’t refer to her as “mom.” Lisa understood and continued to use the term.
Reconnecting with Biological Mother
Around a year ago, Lisa’s biological mother, Mary, reached out to Eric and expressed a desire to be involved in Lisa’s life again. Eric agreed but with certain conditions. Initially, Mary visited on weekends only, taking place at their house. As things went well, Eric eventually allowed Mary to take Lisa to her home on weekends. All three of them ultimately informed Lisa that Mary was her biological mother. Lisa took the news positively and was happy about it.
Mary’s Request
After dropping Lisa off recently, Mary messaged the woman and asked her to make Lisa stop calling her “mom.” Mary claimed it was confusing for Lisa and caused her to refer to Mary by her name instead. The woman responded by stating that she had no control over what Lisa chose to call her and emphasized that Mary’s return was still relatively recent. She suggested giving Lisa time before expecting any specific behavior from her.
Accusations of Selfishness
Mary accused the woman of being selfish and intentionally hindering the development of a true mother-daughter bond between herself and Lisa. In reply, the woman stated that Lisa would naturally regard Mary as her mother when she felt ready and that she would not push Lisa into anything she was not comfortable with.
Seeking Perspectives
The woman discussed the situation with Eric, who expressed an understanding of Mary’s and the woman’s perspectives. He acknowledged that it was hard for Mary to witness Lisa calling someone else “mom.”
Seeking Advice from Family
The woman also sought advice from her own mother, who shared a similar viewpoint. Her mother suggested taking a step back and giving Mary and Lisa a chance to develop a genuine mother-daughter bond, noting that it wouldn’t cost the woman anything to do so.
A Heartfelt Dilemma
Now torn between her desires and the possibility of helping Mary and Lisa grow closer, the woman questions whether she is in the wrong for not wanting to stop Lisa from calling her “mom.”
The Internet Weighs In
The woman took her story to the internet to see if she was unreasonable and selfish or if she should stand by her decision. Here is what a few had to say on Reddit.
“Look at what Mary is doing. Mary doesn’t want to be the bad guy and tell Lisa to stop calling you Mom. She wants YOU to do her dirty work. Then it looks like YOU are rejecting Lisa. How messed up is that.
Tell Mary you will not tell Lisa to stop calling you Mom. You will not participate in having a mother figure reject her twice (the first time is when Mary disappeared).”
“This woman has been absent for 12 years, she is a birth-giver, not a mom.”
More Opinions Online
“People never cease to amaze me… “I want the honor and privilege of being called Mom even though I bailed on my daughter as a baby. Oh, and also, I want YOU, stepmom who has raised her in my absence, to make that happen for me.
“This is the consequence for abandoning her child at a year old. Also at 14 I think your SD understands the concept of a stepparent so I doubt this confuses her. She’s not 5.”
“kinda sh** that your husband and mom are so on the fence on this ridiculous request.”
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Source: Reddit