Have you ever been in a conversation and suddenly felt like you just disappeared? And it’s not because someone shouted over you or walked away, but rather, because someone made a comment that felt like it erased you on the spot. Unfortunately, many men are guilty of doing this to women without realizing it. Here are things men say that make women feel invisible. Just remember, it’s not all men, and we’re not trying to bash the male population. These are simply some phrases that you might want to stop saying to women.
“Calm Down, You’re Being Emotional.”
“Calm down, you’re being emotional” is a saying that usually comes out when a woman’s making a point he doesn’t want to deal with. Rather than responding to what she’s saying, he’d prefer to just shut the whole conversation down, and make her feelings seem like they don’t count at the same time. It’s also a way to move the focus so that instead of talking about the issue, now she has to defend her tone. That gets quite exhausting.
“Are You on Your Period or Something?”
Likewise, some men will say, “Are you on your period or something?” whenever a woman is frustrated or upset. Now, these emotions are blamed on her hormones, rather than whatever’s happening in the moment. Such a saying is a quick way to make her feel like nothing she says is valid, unless she passes some kind of emotional purity test. It doesn’t matter if her point is crystal clear because this line makes it about her body instead of her brain. How invasive.
“You’re Not Like Other Girls.”
When you first hear, “You’re not like other girls,” it sounds flattering, but it’s essentially a way of saying that all other women are terrible. This man has decided that only you are worthy of his attention, which goes past seeing someone for who they are and becomes a weird comparison. It makes it seem like being a woman is something to overcome, and also makes her feel like she has to keep being different, or she’ll be tossed back in the pile.
“Let Me Explain It to You.”
Many men are guilty of saying “Let me explain it to you” in conversations where a woman already knows exactly what’s going on. They’ll give a detailed breakdown anyway, and it’s not that explaining is bad, but instead, it’s the assumption that she needs it. This happens a lot in work meetings or tech spaces, where guys default to being teachers without checking if the woman on the receiving end even wants the lesson. She could’ve been the one who trained him, but guys always seem to forget that part.
“You Probably Wouldn’t Get It.”
Instead of giving her a chance to speak or join in, saying, “You probably wouldn’t get it,” just dismisses the entire conversation, whether it’s about a hobby or work. This saying cuts her off before she even tries, which makes her feel completely invisible. It doesn’t matter if she does know what he’s talking about because now it feels awkward to share her point, as she’s already been boxed out.
“I Just Don’t See Gender.”
Men who say, “I just don’t see gender” might think they’re being open-minded, but the truth is that it makes it seem like they’re choosing not to notice a big part of who someone is. It completely avoids the experiences that come with being a woman, both good and bad, then brushes them under the rug in the name of being fair. As such, it makes women feel like everything they’ve gone through doesn’t count.
“You Look Tired.”
Saying, “You look tired,” comes across as less of a way to show concern and more of a way to insult the other person. You’re commenting on how she looks, which is never okay. Unless she’s literally yawning and slumped over, chances are it’ll come off as a backhanded swipe at her face, which makes her feel like she doesn’t matter. Nobody wants to hear they look tired when they’re just going about their day. It’s even worse when she felt fine until someone said this.
“You’re Too Pretty to Worry About That.”
What the saying, “You’re too pretty to worry about that,” means more than anything else is that this woman is only interesting to this man because of her face. Being attractive, somehow, cancels out stress & ambition for this woman, even adult responsibilities. That’s just not right. It’s the kind of thing that sounds sweet for two seconds, then makes her feel invisible everywhere except the mirror, and it erases whatever real thing she was talking about.
“You Actually Know What You’re Talking About.”
Here’s a compliment that’s actually anything but that. Saying, “You actually know what you’re talking about” to a woman makes it seem like it’s surprising that she has a good understanding of the topic, which is especially weird when she’s been in the field for years. It makes her feel like she’s invisible and that she has to earn being heard, just by saying something smart.
“I Didn’t Think You’d Be Interested in That.”
A guy who says, “I didn’t think you’d be interested in that” is essentially just assuming what a woman would care about without even asking, whether that’s a podcast he liked or a weekend plan with friends. She finds out afterward that he skipped over her completely, and this happens more often than you’d think. It sends a clear message to the woman that the man didn’t picture her being part of this, and that completely erases who she is.
“You’re Really Cool For a Girl.”
Whether as a joke or as a mistaken compliment, saying “You’re really cool for a girl” tells a woman that she’s not as annoying as other people of the same gender. It puts her in a box where she’s allowed to be cool, but only because she’s the exception, and it completely ignores the fact that she’s fun or interesting. Instead, the focus is on her being surprisingly tolerable, and most of the time, guys who say this have no idea how rude it sounds.
“Let Me Handle This.”
When a woman is literally in the middle of doing the thing, like ordering some food or fixing a tech problem, you can guarantee a guy will come in to ‘help.’ He’ll say something like, “Let me handle this,” and he’ll cut in without asking, like she was just warming up the space for him. It doesn’t matter if she’s already doing okay. This saying is a form of hijacking the situation, and it makes a woman feel utterly invisible in her own moment.
“I Don’t Like Girls Who Wear a Lot of Makeup.”
Nobody asked, but now a man is giving his review of women in other women’s faces, with a saying like, “I don’t like girls who wear a lot of makeup.” What he means is that he prefers a certain look, but it’s worded in a way that seems like he’s judging who’s “real” and who’s not. Most of the time, he can’t even tell what counts as “a lot,” but even so, such a comment disregards a woman’s choices.
“You Probably Don’t Watch Sports.”
Sometimes she’s wearing a jersey, and sometimes she’s at the game, but it really doesn’t matter. You can guarantee a guy will tell her, “You probably don’t watch sports,” and while it may seem like banter to him, to her, it’s anything but. It makes her a side character before she’s even said a word, because if she does follow the sport, now she’s stuck proving it. And even if she doesn’t, she still didn’t ask to be called out, so there’s no winning with this one.
“She’s Just Doing That For Attention.”
There’s always a guy saying, “She’s just doing that for attention” whenever a woman’s getting noticed for posting something online or wearing something a little different. It happens the second she steps into the spotlight for anything, and this saying dismisses her effort. It ignores her confidence and her whole point, no matter if what she’s doing has value. Everything gets reduced to, “She wants likes.” Meanwhile, nobody questions men doing the same thing.
“You’re Not Really a Gamer/Coder Though.”
She tells him she plays or codes, and he laughs a little, or makes a face, and then says “You’re not really a gamer/coder though,” although she might have been doing it for years. This question is less about her skills and more about his doubt, putting her on the spot to prove herself. Her achievements become invisible, and she has to earn his respect. That’s wrong.
“You’ll Change Your Mind When You Have Kids.”
While she’s talking about her goals and maybe even the fact that she’s not into the idea of parenthood, he’ll respond with “You’ll change your mind when you have kids.” He doesn’t ask questions and doesn’t leave space for her choices, he just gives her a smile and this sentence. It cancels out everything she just said, and it doesn’t matter if she does want kids someday, that’s not the point. The point is that she’s here now and being clear, but he’s acting like it’s noise.
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