Not everything that seems romantic actually is that way. Sometimes, people say or do things that may appear sweet, but are actually signs of clinginess or attempts at manipulation. They may even just be plain weird once you think about it. Here’s the truth behind these ‘romantic’ things that are honestly not great once you scratch the surface. Some of these are so common that you might not have even realized how toxic they are.
Showing Up Unannounced to “Surprise” Them
When you’re relaxing at home, unshowered, eating cereal straight from the box, the last thing you want is someone at the door with flowers, no matter how romantic they might think it is. Unless someone asks you to pop in, showing up without telling them usually feels stressful and awkward. If anything, it’s more about control than a cute gesture. Most people like a little notice before company comes over, especially if they’re working or just not in the mood to entertain.
Saying “You Complete Me”
Look, saying “you complete me” worked in that one Tom Cruise movie, but in real life, it’s not as sweet. You’re not half a person waiting for another person. Instead, you’re supposed to be a full human, with your own stuff going on, and while saying “you complete me” sounds romantic, it puts a lot of pressure on the other person. They’re not there to fix whatever’s missing in your life, as they have their own life to deal with, too.
Constantly Texting to Check In
Texting once or twice is fine, but doing so every hour or whenever the other person takes a while to respond isn’t a sign of love. It’s a form of surveillance. Someone who’s constantly “just checking” where the other person is and who they’re with, along with what they’re doing, sure is exhausting. It’s also weirdly controlling, so back off and let people live. You really don’t want to turn regular texting into a chore, where you feel like you’re reporting to a boss instead of your partner.
Reading Each Other’s Messages “To Build Trust”
Likewise, there’s a difference between transparency and looking through each other’s phones all the time. Don’t listen to someone who says the only way they feel safe is by scrolling through your DMs every night, because that’s not trust. That’s anxiety. Phones are private, end of story, and if their trust depends on having total digital access, then there’s probably something else going on that you should address in person.
Saying “I’d Die Without You”
Telling someone “I’d die without you” is far too dramatic, and it also puts a lot of emotional weight on the other person. Nobody wants to feel like breaking up could send the other person into a spiral, and that’s exactly what will happen to someone who says this. Rather than being romantic, this phrase is manipulative and much too intense. Someone who says stuff like this often will make you feel stuck, like you can’t share your doubts or get some space.
Wanting to Spend Every Second Together
At first, it’s fun, hanging out all day and finishing each other’s sandwiches, but eventually, someone’s gonna want a nap alone, or go to Target by themselves. Needing to be attached at the hip 24/7 is more suffocating than sweet, and you shouldn’t see independence as a red flag. It’s healthy. People need space to recharge and do their own thing, even in great relationships. In fact, being apart for a bit will help to keep things balanced.
Getting Jealous
Jealousy isn’t love, but rather a kind of fear. When someone flips out every time you laugh at a coworker’s joke or get a text from a friend, you’re going to start feeling exhausted, especially since real love means trusting your partner. They need to be able to handle basic social interaction without feeling threatened. If they can’t, then that’s not on you. You shouldn’t have to tone yourself down to make someone else feel secure all the time.
Saying “I Don’t Need Anyone But You”
It sounds so romantic when someone says, “I don’t need anyone but you.” However, someone who tells you this over and over is actually trying to lay the groundwork to isolate you, slowly but surely. It’ll turn into “Why do you need to hang out with them?” and “They don’t get us like I do,” which makes you feel like you’re letting them down simply for spending time with other people. It starts out sounding like commitment, but soon becomes a way of guilt-tripping you.
Watching Your Location “For Safety”
Sharing your location might seem harmless, perhaps even convenient, although it’s a different story when someone checks it constantly or brings it up during arguments. In those situations, it’s a form of control. You shouldn’t feel like you’re being tracked like a lost AirTag, and there’s no good reason for them getting annoyed because you were at the store ten minutes longer than expected. It’s not normal.
Saying “You’re Too Good for Your Friends”
At first, hearing “You’re too good for your friends” seems like a compliment, but it’s actually an insult to your friendships. Someone who keeps pointing out “flaws” in your people is subtly pushing you to cut ties with them, and then suddenly, they’re all you’ve got. It doesn’t happen all at once, either. Instead, they’ll make little jabs that eventually become complete judgments of your friends, which makes you want to ditch them.
Claiming “We Don’t Need Boundaries”
Some people think saying “we’re totally open with each other” means they’re in the best kind of relationship. But what happens when that turns into “Why do you need space?” or “Why’d you need to go for a walk alone?” It doesn’t seem so romantic anymore. Rather than being walls, boundaries are what keep people from burning out, and needing space doesn’t mean you love someone less. You’re a person with needs that don’t disappear in a relationship.
Wanting to Be the Only One You Turn to
In every relationship, you have to support each other, although it’s different when this ‘support’ turns into them getting upset every time you vent to your best friend or call your mom instead of them. They’re being clingy, even though you’re allowed to have a full support system. No one should make you feel like you’re cheating because you asked someone else for advice or comfort.
Saying “No One Else Will Ever Love You Like I Do”
Despite what you might believe, the line “No one else will ever love you like I do” isn’t romantic at all. It’s a red flag. It’s meant to make you feel like you’d be alone forever if you left, and the message is essentially telling you “I’m your only shot, so don’t screw this up.” As such, this line is a form of manipulation, plain and simple, so you should remember that you don’t have to stay in a relationship out of fear. Control disguised as devotion is still control.
Taking Over Your Problems Without Asking
When you’re explaining something stressful, before you finish, they’ve already made a list and they’re prepared to fix it. That’s pretty sweet, right? Well, yes, until they won’t stop. Sometimes, you just want to vent, and you don’t need someone jumping in with “solutions” that they demand you take. Not taking their advice suddenly makes you the ungrateful one, which shows they’re actually trying to take over your life.
Leaving Constant Love Notes
A sticky note here and there is cute, but less so when you find them every day in your socks and in your takeout containers. Instead of romance, that’s a sign of someone desperately trying to remind you they exist, even though it’s impossible for you to forget them. ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ might be true for babies, but not for adults, and you’re capable of remembering them without the constant reminders.
Saying “Our Love Is Different From Everyone Else’s”
Sometimes, people will say, “Our love is different from everyone else’s” to make it sound like what you have is rare and magical. However, it often means they’re trying to get away with stuff that wouldn’t be acceptable anywhere else, like yelling during arguments, or being way too intense way too soon. “No one else would understand us” is really just code for “Don’t tell anyone what I’m doing.”
Creating Anniversary Dates For Everything
You shouldn’t feel scared to forget the day you first shared fries or held hands on a bus, and if you are, then something’s off. When every tiny moment becomes a made-up holiday, it stops being cute and turns into a full-time job, where you’re afraid to miss a single one. You’re worried about being accused of not caring, which makes these days less about the memories and more a kind of emotional test.
Getting Emotional Every Time You Go Out Without Them
They say they’re sad because they love you so much, but somehow they only “miss you deeply” on nights you’re supposed to be with friends. As soon as you mention plans, their mood changes, and even though you feel bad about canceling, you feel worse if you go. They don’t actually miss you, they just want you to feel guilty for having your own life. But that’s not fair. You shouldn’t need permission to have a night out.
Wanting to Do Everything For You
They say they’re trying to take care of you, yet it soon turns into them making every decision, like cooking without asking or running your errands. They might even rearrange your schedule “to make things easier.” It starts off as helpful, but before long, you can’t choose anything yourself because if you suggest doing something your own way, they’re offended. It’s a perfect example of someone making your life about them.
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